Women Who Give Way Too Many Chances To Bad People Usually Have 11 Deep Reasons
Armando123 / ShutterstockBeing a woman is far from easy. No matter what a woman goes through, oftentimes, she's made out to be the one at fault. From still talking to toxic exes to refusing to put distance between her and toxic family members, somehow, someway, many people will blame women for refusing to put their foot down.
That being said, women who give way too many chances to bad people usually have deep reasons for doing so. Being raised to cater to others and hold their tongue, these women don't do it for the 'joy of it.' While many may say it's her fault, learning to be compassionate toward others' struggles is the best way to connect and see the 'human' in one another.
Women who give way too many chances to bad people usually have 11 deep reasons
1. They see potential instead of patterns
Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock
Women who give too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for seeing potential rather than patterns. These women truly have a heart of gold. Rather than seeing a person where they are at, they choose to look ahead and see their full potential. On paper, this sounds beautiful. Seeing beyond who that person is and digging deep does sound truly amazing on paper.
Unfortunately, when it comes to forming relationships, it's always good to be clear-minded and present-focused. As clinical psychologist Leigh W. Jerome, Ph.D., said, "Learning to live in the present reduces worry and stress and enhances resilience." Not only that, but it gives a woman a guideline for what they can expect moving forward. Meaning, if he or she were to stay exactly as they are, would a woman truly be okay? Or, would how they are now not be sufficient to maintain a close enough connection?
2. They were taught that love requires suffering
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock
Not everyone has the most stable upbringing. While some women are raised with two loving parents who have healthy friendships, others grow up living in dysfunction. At the moment, it might not have felt like a huge deal. While people can't change their upbringing, they can make better steps to live a fulfilling life, right? However, as true as they may be, women who give way too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for being taught that love requires suffering.
All their life, they saw their mother or father being hurt in love and in friendships. Whether it was parents being taken advantage of by their partner or a parent's family member disrespecting them to their face, these women learned that love isn't gentle. It's hard. This is why they give too many chances. Believing that love is bound to be hurtful, they find themselves tolerating pain all for the sake of keeping this toxic person in their life.
3. They have a fixer mentality
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock
Everyone wants to see their loved ones thrive. Whether it's thriving in their other relationships or thriving mentally, we all do what we can to aid them in their time of need. However, women who give too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for their fixer mentality. In the back of their mind, they know that they can't change this person. As much as they want to, people don't change for other people.
As therapist Alli Spotts-De Lazzer, LMFT, LPCC, CEDS-C said, "People don’t change when they feel under attack — even from themselves — or feel rushed to correct something 'distorted' or 'irrational.' Authentic, lasting change tends to require psychological safety."
Still, not wanting to give up on them, these women cling to these toxic people, causing irreparable damage in the long run.
4. They fear being abandoned more than being mistreated
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Let's face it, nobody wants to be left in the dust. It doesn't matter how natural it is for friends, lovers, or families to go their separate ways. Building up a connection only to watch it crumble is heartbreaking. This is why women who give way too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for fearing being abandoned more than being mistreated. Does being abandoned hurt? Absolutely.
However, sometimes, this type of abandonment is simply a natural part of life. As hurtful as it may be, it's a natural process in which a woman must let someone go to thrive and protect her own peace. Unfortunately, this is a lot easier said than done, which is why she gives far too many chances to those who don't deserve it.
5. Their empathy is extremely high
GaudiLab | Shutterstock
Nowadays, many people like empathy. For instance, according to the Pew Research Center, "Many Americans perceive a rise in rude behavior, and 34% say they see it almost always or often when they go out in public."
This is why it's so rare to see someone with such high empathy. That being said, women who give way too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for having high empathy.
It's a superpower on the outside. However, having high empathy can also be unfortunate. From friends taking advantage of them to partners being manipulative, these women must find a way to ground their empathy, as too much empathy can hurt them more than help.
6. They confuse loyalty with self-betrayal
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
Once upon a time, loyalty used to mean everything. From keeping a promise to committing for life, loyalty was the default. However, somewhere along the lines, people began to push the lines. While committing to a man for life was ideal, weathering through toxic situations was considered the bare minimum for 'loyalty.' This is probably why women who give way too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for confusing loyalty with self-betrayal.
While loyalty is amazing, it should never come at the cost of oneself. From tearing themselves down to compromising their self-confidence, self-betrayal should never be the default in any relationship.
7. They cling to the past instead of acknowledging the present
Wasana Kunpol | Shutterstock
Life is bound to change. From careers to relationships, nothing will ever truly stay the same. In a relationship, it's crucial to acknowledge the past and the relationship they've built together. However, it's equally crucial to acknowledge what's happening in the present. From disrespect to lying, while the past is beautiful, too many harmful actions in the present should never be left unchecked. Unfortunately, women who give way too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for clinging to the past instead of acknowledging the present.
Sorry, but that person from the past isn't who they are in the present. While she may have loved them, it's time to let that toxic person go. As licensed clinical social worker Amy Morin said, "And if you're not careful, people like that can take a serious toll on your well-being."
This is why learning to let go is crucial. Otherwise, she'll drain herself while trying to save her relationship.
8. They hope that this time it'll be different
VH-studio | Shutterstock
Once upon a time, they knew better. Hearing the warning signs from their friends and some family, they thought they knew what red flags to look out for. However, true love has a way of changing a person. From friends' trauma bonding to couples growing unbelievably close, it's normal to give them a few chances, as everyone is bound to make mistakes. That being said, women who give too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for hoping this time will be different.
No, it won't actually be different. If someone has promised her change and they have yet to deliver after all this time, they'll never change. So, as women, they have two options: either stay and deal with their toxic behavior or get help and learn to let go. As tough as it may be, it's crucial that these women put their mental health first.
9. They were never taught what proper relationships look like
fizkes | Shutterstock
While many people may dismiss upbringing, it truly has a huge impact on how someone approaches their relationships. Whether it's knowing what to look for in a partner or how to balance different relationships, upbringing can play a big role. This is probably why women who give way too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for never being taught what proper relationships look like.
Because they were never taught, they don't know what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like. Some may roll their eyes, but according to psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, LCSW, "Our childhood environment has a foundational influence on who we become as individuals and partners." This is why women must do the inner work and heal. Otherwise, their past may come back to haunt them, literally.
10. They feel like they deserve mistreatment
fizkes | Shutterstock
When someone has an awful childhood, they're used to being mistreated. From being verbal criticzed to worse, these individuals don't know what healthy relationships are supposed to look like. Not only that, but many women who don't get help end up internalizing a lot of that trauma, leading to dangerous thoughts. This is why women who give way too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for feeling like they deserve mistreatment.
No, they don't deserve mistreatment, but anytime something bad happens to them, they probably think, "I deserve that." It's heartbreaking, but they don't have much confidence in themselves. Because of this, they expect others' poor behavior because they don't know how truly valuable they are. So, if someone notices a woman going through this, encourage her to get help. While she may seem nonchalant, this line of thinking can be dangerous if not caught in time.
11. They're terrified of starting over
Billion Photos | Shutterstock
Finally, women who give way too many chances to bad people usually have a deep reason for being terrified of starting over. It's sad, but these people have already formed these connections and relationships. Maybe not having the most extensive support group out there, they feel like they have no other choice but to stay in these toxic friendships or relationships. However, it's okay to start over.
Is it terrifying? Absolutely. Will you cry and grieve? Definitely. But starting over can be the most freeing thing in the world. As licensed psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., said, "Moving through life is like climbing stairs. You go up a level, and then you level off. Nothing is ever a straight shot. Have some patience with yourself and with your newfound direction."
So, if there's ever a voice inside yourself screaming that you deserve better, listen. Your inner voice and intuition will never lie to you.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
