You Can Usually Tell How Manipulative Someone Is By These 7 Things They Do Consistently
Dean Drobot | CanvaA master manipulator is a type of person you will date, and at first, things will seem infallible. It all seems too good to be true, and you’ll wonder how in the world you got so lucky.
But as time goes on, you gradually uncover their manipulative tactics and how indifferent you’ve become to all the red flags. Once you recognize these manipulative habits, which often happen consistently, it's best to run as fast as you can.
You can usually tell how manipulative someone is by these 7 things they do consistently:
1. They’re emotionally abusive
A manipulative person, by definition, is an emotionally abusive person. They are unpredictable with their spouts of anger and are known to lash out fortuitously. They’re typically short-tempered, and you never know what frame of mind they’ll be in.
"You'll see the seething rage that edges every word, and you will know at that moment, deep within your bones, that this person is manipulative and does not care about you one bit," explained therapist Joanne Brothwell. That dead you feel before they erupt? That's pattern recognition.
A manipulative person's moods are drastically inconsistent, and your moods will start to become reliant on theirs. You’ll find yourself playing the victim of their abusive ways, but you’ve become so habituated to it that you don’t even think twice. Remember: Emotional abuse is still abuse.
2. They make you apologize for things you didn’t do
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After an argument, you’re the one always doing the apologizing. Even if it wasn't your fault, you're constantly the one who has to make amends. You stop and ask yourself, “Why am I saying sorry when I wasn’t the one in the wrong?”
But despite questioning why you're apologizing to begin with, you do so anyway to keep the peace. A manipulative person is skilled at placing the blame on anyone else besides themselves. In fact, they’re so good at it that they’ll have you almost certain that you’re the problem.
Marriage and family therapist Dr. Judy Tiesel-Jensen cautioned, "If you think you're being gaslighted by a manipulator, the first thing is to trust yourself. Second, find an objective person who can listen to your experience." The only way you can break this apology reflex is when someone outside of the dynamic confirms what you gut already knows.
3. Manipulative people make you put in all the work
Dating a manipulative person often means that you’ll be the one doing all of the dirty work in the relationship. Making plans, texting, calling — you'll find yourself putting in every last bit of effort to keep the relationship alive.
And though you're certainly feeling like you're in a one-sided relationship, you always feel the need to give in, whether it's because they shift the blame onto you, act like a victim, or gaslight you.
4. They’re charming
A manipulative person knows how to use their charm to get what they want. They know how to captivate in an alluring and charismatic way — and they’re really good at it, too. They know exactly what to do and what to say to keep you hooked and prevent you from leaving them. And if that isn’t the most fitting example of being manipulated, well, I don’t know what is.
5. They’re totally unreliable
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You’re unable to rely on them from the very beginning. A manipulative person will be inconsistent and oftentimes noticeably distant. They know how to portray themselves as being reliable to keep you around, but strictly on their terms. They’re incapable of communicating properly, but it’s your fault for not knowing about the plans they never told you about.
They expect you to be a mind-reader and cater to their needs, but won't do the same for you. Because, again, everything is on their terms. There will undoubtedly be a self-victimizing justification to go along with this, especially if you call them out on their behavior.
6. Manipulative people crave control
The control of a manipulative person is always in their hands because they need to feel dominant. They are the ones who will decide where the relationship is going. It’s their way or the highway, and you’re just along for the ride. The instant you try to regain control of the situation, they will pull out all the stops to gain the upper hand once more. Control means power, and a manipulator thrives off of both.
"You may feel like a nag, and you may feel like you did something wrong. A manipulator twists the scenario so much that you probably feel like you owe them an apology," marriage and family therapist Dr. Margot Brown pointed out.
7. They won't ever change
A manipulative person might alter their ways a tiny bit to please you, but they perpetually go back to their old ways once you’re satisfied. Marriage and family therapist Dr. Maxine Langdon Starr explained that when it comes to manipulators, "You can listen and advise, yet nothing ever actually changes. Manipulative people don't want growth; they just want an audience for their pain."
It's a cycle that never ends for a master manipulator. And why? It's because a manipulator cannot change — because they don’t want to change. They don’t see anything immoral about their actions, and they’ll do all they can to convince you into believing the same.
Andrea Davis is a freelance writer, photographer, and social media influencer who covers lifestyle, health, fitness, and relationship topics.
