You Can Usually Tell How Miserable A Person Is By These 10 Things They Talk About Way Too Much
PeopleImages | ShutterstockEveryone deals with inconveniences and hardship, but a truly miserable person lives a different reality.
From avoiding accountability for the direction of their own life to playing the victim, even when they're faced with minor struggles, they make their lives harder by deflecting and dismissing. In fact, you can usually tell how miserable a person is by some of the things they talk about way too much. Of course, some people truly are miserable because of their circumstances or uncontrollable struggles, but rarely is someone's entire life or mood out of their control.
You can usually tell how miserable a person is by these 10 things they talk about way too much
1. Bad luck
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Many of the most miserable people refuse to take accountability for the direction of their own lives. It's a lot easier for them to cope with failure and frustration when they can blame someone or something else for their reality. According to a 2015 study, even the mere belief that someone has bad luck puts them at risk for emotional distress and worsened executive functioning.
The more miserable someone is, the more they believe they have bad luck. However, this mentality only takes their autonomy away. It makes them believe that they're stuck in this position forever, even though they have the power to change their lives with the right intentions.
2. Their bad friends and relationships
Someone who's regularly complaining about a toxic partner or gossiping about bad friends is probably miserable. Of course, the people we surround ourselves with change our energy, but sometimes someone who's already miserable talks down other people to feel less alone. That's why "misery loves company" is so recognized.
The most unhappy people would prefer to bring other people down to their level than to get uncomfortable boosting their own mood. Either way, negativity is contagious, and misery catches like wildfire.
3. What's missing from their lives
As a Cureus study explains, our mindsets in life seriously shape our realities and influence our psychological well-being, both for better and worse. When we're focused on gratitude and appreciation, we live much happier, healthier lives. When we're always focused on what we don't have or what's missing from life, we live in a state of inadequacy and lack.
That's why the most miserable people are often talking and thinking about what's missing constantly, compared to taking stock of what they have. They frame their well-being and happiness around things they have to work toward, rather than crafting a sense of peace and purpose in the attainable and inevitable parts of life.
4. Social media
There are certainly good things that can come from being online, including communities and staying connected. But for the most part, more time spent on social media is typically associated with life dissatisfaction and stress, according to a University of Michigan study.
Especially if someone is comparing themselves to others online or constantly talking about social media in a way that reminds you that they're doomscrolling constantly, they're miserable. They're comparing themselves to unrealistic standards and distracting themselves from the parts of life that they should be present for.
5. Other people
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Many of the most miserable people only gossip about other people. The most interesting things they have to bring to the table are the kinds of gossip and drama they have about everyone else. Even when that spreads nonsense, frustration, and negativity out into the world, they feel better about themselves when they can bring others down to their level.
Instead of focusing on their own mental health and lives, they spend all their energy caught up in everyone else. They put their value in others and seek the shock factor in conversations, missing out on all the best parts of connection.
6. Every passing thought
While it might seem counterintuitive, experts suggest that sometimes suppressing negative thoughts actually is the key to living a happier life. A 2021 study coined it "psychological detachment," where you focus energy on what really matters and let passing thoughts and anxiety simmer out.
However, the most miserable people can't help but cling to their negative feelings and thoughts as evidence of their pain. Sometimes, they linger in the suffering just a little bit too long, trying to justify their lack of success or happiness. Instead of acknowledging feelings and letting them pass, they keep everything around at the expense of their mental health.
7. Other people's opinions and perceptions
Even if it doesn't seem like it, an ego-centric mindset is a common denominator in most miserable people's lives. They assume that everyone is always looking at and judging them, even if, in reality, nobody cares more about them than they do about themselves.
In so many aspects of their lives, worrying about what other people think is holding them back. They're living to be liked by other people and overlooking the genuine happiness that comes from being their most authentic self because they're afraid and uncertain.
8. How they were wronged
Instead of letting things go and focusing on what they can control, miserable people keep holding onto past grudges and pain. They focus on how they were wronged by others, reliving the same pain and emotions over and over again at their own expense.
They're trying to validate their experience and hold onto the comfort of being pitied, but at some point, they're holding themselves back from experiencing growth and happiness. Especially considering seeking closure they'll never get and holding onto resentment only strips away their own comfort and autonomy, they're only pushing themselves farther away from peace every day they choose to hold onto pain.
9. Failure
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The happiest people recognize that they need challenge and mistakes to grow. They know that making a mistake isn't a weakness or a sign of failure, but a chance to learn something new and evolve into a better version of themselves.
However, their miserable counterparts tend to hyper-focus on a fear of failure, prompting them to avoid situations they don't understand and challenges they know they're not good at. They linger in stagnancy because they refuse to be wrong or accept that they don't know something, and when they do make mistakes, it often predicts higher levels of anxiety and poor self-esteem.
10. Their dreams
Whether it's nostalgia about dreams they feel like they've missed out on from the past or their current goals that they only seek attention for without making any progress, the most miserable people are also hyperfixated on potential.
Even when bragging about goals they haven't achieved for attention will sabotage their actual progress, they still continue to cycle through phases of validation and shame to feel important. They need someone else to validate them to feel secure, or the insecurity and inadequacy take over.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
