You Can Usually Tell Someone’s Nervous Around You By 11 Phrases They Say In Causal Conversation
Roman Samborskyi / ShutterstockNot everyone is going to feel comfortable around you. Whether it's because they're nervous by nature or have issues with you personally, most insecure people don't speak their mind.
Even if they try to keep it under wraps and you have no idea why they might feel that way, you can usually tell when someone is nervous around you by listening to what they say during casual conversations. They may quietly scold themselves or question their own actions, quickly revealing their underlying tension.
Once you become aware of how uncomfortable someone is, you can do your best to set them at ease, keeping things light and offering reassuring smiles.
You can usually tell someone's nervous around you by 11 phrases they say in casual conversation
1. 'Sorry, I'm talking too much'
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When someone is nervous around you, they can't help but be a blubbering mess. Not knowing how to control their nervousness, they say whatever they think will make the conversation flow better. Bringing up random topics and comments can make it hard for them to keep track of what they're trying to accomplish.
As professor emeritus of cognitive psychology, Robert N. Kraft, Ph.D., said, "Over-talking often arises from social anxiety, which creates a troubling feedback loop. The more people talk, the more anxious they become about their social selves, and the more they talk."
So, if someone says, "Sorry, I'm talking too much," put them at ease. They're probably nervous around you.
2. 'This is probably dumb to say, but...'
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People who are nervous around you can't help but care too much. Overthinking everything, it isn't surprising that something nervous people say during casual conversation is, "This is probably dumb to say, but..."
It's not unreasonable for them to ask that question. People who become anxious around you may constantly overthink. Worrying about what you might think, they unconsciously utter this phrase not to guilt-trip you, but to feel reassured that everything they're worrying about is all in their head.
And while it isn't your job to reassure them all the time, every blue moon has a bigger impact than you might think.
3. 'I don't usually do this'
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People who are nervous around you don't know how to think straight. Entirely too much in their head, they say or do things that are out of character. Whether it's because they're scared of you or secretly admire you, they'll almost always say, "I don't usually do this," during casual conversation.
Anxiety often causes us to do wild things. This is probably why anxious people are more likely to make bad decisions in the face of uncertainty. And feeling uncertain about how you perceive them, those who are nervous around you may act completely out of character.
So, be patient and give them grace. It may take a little bit, but if they admire you, eventually, they'll learn to control their nervousness.
4. 'I don't know why I just said that'
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Nervousness will have you blurt out the most random comments known to mankind. From discussing how they feel unexpectedly to saying random animal facts, nervousness has a way of embarrassing the best of us.
This is why those who are nervous around you often say, "I don't know why I just said that." They haven't gotten used to your presence yet. Whether they like you or not, they aren't sure how to navigate this new dynamic.
Still feeling nervous and uncertain, they'll need time before they get out of the habit of saying this phrase.
5. 'I'm being annoying, aren't I?'
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There's no greater feeling than feeling like you're being too much. Especially when you're around someone you feel uncomfortable with already, it's normal for those who are experiencing nervousness to say, "I'm being annoying, aren't I?" whenever they interact with you.
These individuals aren't that confident in themselves right now. Filled with uncertainty and questioning themselves constantly, they may say this phrase to either confirm their worst fears or dispel them. And of course, it isn't your job to reassure them. Hating the idea of playing therapist, you could just shrug them off and not say much.
However, as licensed marriage and family therapist John Amodeo, Ph.D., LMFT, said, 'Our sense of self develops through our interactions with people. We need positive mirroring to feel good about ourselves and life."
So, even if it's annoying to say it, an encouraging sentence here and there just might bring you two closer together.
6. 'Ignore me'
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It can be difficult to talk to someone you barely know. Already thinking the worst, some people who aren't well socialized or comfortable may overtalk and say the wrong thing. Feeling humiliated and embarrassed, don't be shocked if someone who isn't comfortable with you says, "Ignore me."
They aren't asking for reassurance this time. Knowing that they can't always seek validation, the only thing nervous people ask is grace. They're still getting to know you and are pushing themselves out of their comfort zone. So, rather than judging them for trying, allow them the grace to make mistakes, even if it's awkward at first.
7. 'I don't know what's wrong with me today'
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It's hard for people who are uncomfortable to push past their discomfort. Trying their best to make the best out of an awkward situation, they may overthink too hard, causing them to stumble in what they were actually trying to say. Feeling defeated and slightly embarrassed, something they'll say to you when they're nervous is, "I don't know what's wrong with me today."
Not able to control their fear or anxiety, expect it to impact their daily life until they manage to somehow get it under control. From their interactions with you to their behavior, feeling comfortable in the uncomfortable takes time, so always give highly nervous people a little bit of grace.
8. 'I had a point, I swear'
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There's nothing more frustrating than coming in prepared, only to watch it all blow up in your face. Feeling humiliated and angry, nervous people are quick to feel overwhelmed once their plans are decisively thrown out of the window. This is why something they'll say often is, "I had a point, I swear."
If someone is nervous around you, they do their best to prepare. Grounding themselves in the moment, they go over everything they'll say or do once they interact with you. Finding this more comforting than winging it, expect them to be thrown off balance when things don't go their way.
9. 'That came out wrong'
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When someone is extremely nervous around you, don't expect them to be smooth and in control. While they may try, their minds tend to derail, causing them to say or do the wrong thing. However, never wanting to be disrespectful and slightly panicking internally, you can tell someone is nervous when they say, "That came out wrong."
Whether they like you or not, nervous people never want a misunderstanding. Knowing that disrespect leads to greater aggression, nervous people do their best to keep things flowing smoothly. From correcting themselves to apologizing profusely, you can tell someone is nervous by how much they care.
10. 'My brain isn't working properly'
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Anxiety has a way of throwing us off balance. Without realizing it, many of our brains shortcut, causing us to act out of character. Whether it's stumbling over our words or saying something out of pocket, something someone will say when they're nervous around you is, "My brain isn't working properly."
It may sound like a random comment, but it's often a friendly warning. Not having the bravery to tell you, "Hey, you make me nervous," they'll let you know that they can't think straight, so you'll give them a bit of grace.
This isn't necessarily the most honest comment. However, it's the easiest way for them to convey what they need to, without becoming an even greater nervous wreck in the process.
11. 'Forget I said anything'
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Finally, the last way to tell someone is nervous around you is if they say, "Forget I said anything." Nervous people don't know how to have normal conversations. According to adjunct professor Lobsang Rapgay, Ph.D., "Increasing evidence shows that anxiety hurts both working memory space and cognitive processes.
This is why they can't get out what they're trying to say properly. Struggling immensely and feeling frustrated, those who are truly nervous and care what you think will often say, "Forget I said anything," in hopes of taking the easy way out.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
