Parents Who Raise Genuinely Happy Kids Usually Have These 11 Admirable Habits
Martin Novak / ShutterstockParenting is no easy job, and shouldn’t be taken lightly. For those of you who have chosen it, congratulations. You are making a big difference in helping the next generation. Parenting and children have changed drastically. I think video games and the Internet are a big part of it. Plus, all the name brands. How do you keep up?
Parents who raise genuinely happy kids usually have admirable habits that inherently lead to more positive outcomes for the whole family. As you uncover what those are, it’s important not to compare yourself to others. I know this is easy to do, but it is self-defeating, and no one benefits. Your child doesn’t expect perfection, and you shouldn’t either. What children need more than anything is to feel loved.
Parents who raise genuinely happy kids usually have these 11 admirable habits
1. They play with their children
kate_sept2004 from Getty Images Signature via canva
Play is your child’s language. This means you get down on the ground and play with them at their level. When you play with your child, your child genuinely feels loved.
"Engaging fully with your child in play offers a wonderful opportunity to build your child’s self-esteem. Imagine how your child must feel, knowing that the most important person in their world likes them enough to take the time to play with them," says Christina Pay, Extension Assistant Professor at Utah State University.
2. They know about the important things happening in their child’s school life
Make sure that you keep in touch with the teacher to know what is happening in your child’s day. You can also ask your child, and remember that how they answer will depend on their age.
Make sure you give your child a big hug and kiss before departing for the day as well. As a society, we have gotten away from touching. But your child needs your touch. They are craving it. "We all live busy, stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents, but it is clear that one of the most important things we need to do is to stop and give our kids a big loving squeeze," notes Sandi Schwartz of the Gottman Institute. "Research over the past decade highlights the link between affection in childhood and health and happiness in the future."
3. They don’t try to fix everything
Part of growing up and learning to take care of yourself is learning to solve your problems. This will teach your child resilience. You need these skills in almost everything you do.
"Being a tough parent is never easy," says clinical psychologist Kate Roberts, Ph.D., "but the alternative motivated me. For example, children who are raised without discomfort, whether it's that they miss school, spend hours playing video games, or refuse to learn to drive, have more anxiety and fewer life skills."
4 They don't overwhelm their children
When your child has too many rules, they can shut down. Start with a few simple rules and stick with them. This lets your child know what you expect from them. It also lets them know there is a consequence for not following the rules.
"Almost all children believe parents should set rules that keep them safe..., help them be better, more moral people (Don’t steal! Don’t hit your sister!), and help them learn to fit in with the large culture (Dress appropriately! Don’t swear in school!). Children see setting rules in these areas — prudential, moral, and conventional — as part of their parents’ job," explains Nancy Darling, Ph.D.
5. They read books together every day
Yuganov Konstantin via Canva
Start when you have a newborn. Children love to hear their parents' voices.
This is also good for the brain and gives you the chance to cuddle up with your child, which is another great opportunity for touch.
6. They fess up when they mess up
You must apologize to your child when you've done something wrong. This teaches your child that we all make mistakes. It’s simple: you admit to what you did, and you say "I’m sorry." It can be one of the hardest things to do, but one of the best things for your relationship with your child.
"Kids love it when their parents apologize to them, and not because they’re thinking that they won and their parents lost. They love it because, frequently, it is often one of too few acts of genuine grace and respect expressed within families. It underscores that hierarchy, age, title, or professional standing have no bearing on whether or not a parent holds herself accountable for her actions; apologies are equal opportunity concessions of error, and no one is above that," explains Janet Sasson Edgette, Psy.D.
7. They show affection to their spouse in front of their kids
This means kissing, hugging, and touching. Your marriage is the only example of a relationship your child has. This means it’s your job to set a great standard.
8. They cheer the good stuff
When you see your child picking up after themselves, let them know how pleased you are. Thank your child for sharing with their brother or sister without you having to ask. This will help reinforce positive behavior.
Beata Souders, MSc., PsyD candidate, explains, "Positive reinforcement as a form of positive discipline allows us to tap into our children’s individual strengths, draw attention to their personality traits and interests, and as a result give us an opportunity to connect, communicate effectively, and ultimately empower them to be more of themselves."
9. They trust their gut
Изображения пользователя Альфира via Canva
You know your child better than anyone else. If you think there is something wrong, it’s alright to question it.
If they are quiet when they come home, ask your child what is wrong one day when they are usually loud. If they insist nothing is wrong, it may be time to check in with the teacher to see how things are going at school.
10. They give themselves a break
Ordering a pizza when you’ve had a long day doesn’t mean you are a bad parent. I can tell you, at one time or another, everyone has done it. This also lets your child know they don’t always have to go at 100 mph.
I had the idea to write this article after seeing many parents and children in my practice. I say all of these things a lot in my practice. Remember, no parent is perfect. Good parents make mistakes. What’s important is that you learn from them and make up.
Lianne Avila is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in San Mateo, CA. Her work has been featured in Psych Central, BRIDES, and Prevention.
