Parents Who Stayed Calm During Their Kids’ Worst Phases & Biggest Tantrums Usually Share These 11 Steady Traits
Alexandr Grant / ShutterstockRaising children is a serious task. Each period through childhood development is different. Some are easier to handle than others.
We all know (and likely have gone through them ourselves) kids who went through a difficult period. Whether they were throwing tantrums or acting out, their behavior wasn’t something their parents were proud of. That’s just how growing up goes. Some parents can handle these phases more easily than others. This type of parent likely has personality traits that set them up for success when their kids are at their worst.
Parents who stayed calm during their kids’ worst phases usually share these 11 steady traits
1. They are patient
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Parenting takes serious patience. Not everyone has that trait naturally. Kids go through serious phases. Some of them are less appealing than others. When a parent meets their children at their worst moments with patience, they do not let the child’s behavior get to them. Instead, they work through the moment to improve for the future.
Having patience means being mindful. They are aware of the situation they’re dealing with. Instead of acting out on their impulses during their child’s outbursts, they likely take a second, process their feelings, and respond kindly. This steady behavior allows them to approach parenting with a clearer head.
2. They are accepting
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Although many parents aren’t fond of their children’s behavior during their worst phases, they know that they have to be accepting. While this isn’t always easy to handle, it’s something they have to accept. That doesn’t necessarily mean they support their child’s actions, but they realize this is a phase they will have to grow out of. By accepting the circumstances, they can meet their children where they are and help them move through this moment in their lives.
Radically accepting their children, even during their worst phases, can allow them to embrace even the toughest experiences. They know their children will get through it, so they work towards accepting them even in the darkest days.
3. They are calm
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Keeping a cool head when your children are acting out is no easy task. However, when calm parents look at the situation with a clear mind, they can approach them with a soothing approach. Sometimes, you may get wrapped up in trying to fight back against your kid. It might feel natural to respond with anger. Calm parents use this steady trait to keep things from escalating.
Parenting is stressful. Kids can seem almost happy to push our buttons. Instead of lashing out, calm parents can work through these experiences more easily.
4. They are goal-oriented
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Every parent wants the best for their children. They want them to grow up with a solid foundation that allows them to continue to thrive into adulthood. At the end of the day, all parents likely want to see their child succeed. When they’re going through a tough phase, parents like this use their steady trait to keep a clear head. Instead of focusing on how bad it is now, they are looking towards the future. What can they do at this moment to set them up for future success?
Goals serve an important purpose in our lives. They give us something positive to work towards. When raising a child, sometimes using their goal-oriented trait can help parents get through difficult phases. Instead, they realize this is temporary. In the future, things will improve.
5. They are problem solvers
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Problem-solving skills go a long way in parenting. Kids are going to start trouble, especially when they are going through a difficult phase. Children do not always understand the implications of their actions. When parents step in and teach them problem-solving skills, they are setting them up for future success. Not only that, but they are working to remedy the issue at the moment. This trait helps them navigate parenting through the good and the bad.
A study found that problem-solving skills are extremely important for parents. When you are a natural problem-solver, you may navigate various stages of parenthood more easily.
6. They are reassuring
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I’m an adult, but a little bit of reassurance goes a long way for me. It can be hard to feel like you are not enough. When a child is going through a difficult phase, they may struggle with the way they see themselves. Even at a young age, they might pick up on how their parents feel towards them in those moments. When a parent reassures them, it can help them work through their worst phases.
By encouraging their children to feel their emotions and reassuring them that everything will be okay, they are setting them up for a stronger future. A little reassurance can go a long way, especially when times are tough.
7. They are thoughtful
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Thoughtful people are likely to make great parents. They may be able to identify their children’s emotions and work through them more easily. A study found that parents who bring moment-to-moment awareness in their parenting are more mindful and attentive caregivers. Someone who is naturally thoughtful often puts other people ahead of themselves. They see what their child needs and want to help them through it.
If a child is going through a difficult phase, it’s helpful to have a supportive parent. Being thoughtful and loving towards their children may help them navigate these issues more easily.
8. They live in the moment
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Living in the moment may help parents manage stressful parenting phases. Instead of getting stuck in the idea that this will last forever, they focus on the current moment. How could they make things better now? That doesn’t mean they are searching for an immediate fix. Instead, they may look at things through an optimistic lens. This is a problem for now, but once it passes, things will be better.
By doing this, parents may be able to accept these phases. While they’re likely not happy with their children’s behavior, they know that this too shall pass.
9. They are consistent
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Consistent parenting is important. It’s not always easy, but it makes a difference for their children. Naturally consistent people may be able to tackle this parenting challenge more easily. If someone is already keen on sticking to a routine or standing firm in their beliefs, consistent parenting may come naturally. Consistency is key, and this can be especially powerful in parenting.
"In no sphere of life is the power of consistency more valuable than in parenting. Parents have the particularly sticky job of raising little humans—little humans who have never experienced the world before. Every single day is a lesson in 'how to be a person.' Along the way, they make many mistakes and push many boundaries—that is, after all, how we learn," says Stephanie Cox, MS.
10. They are emotionally regulated
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When someone is testing your patience, especially your children, it can be easy to lose your cool. Parents who are natural emotional regulators may be able to keep their cool more easily. Regulating your emotions means you can control them. Instead of lashing out at their children during these moments of stress, they might approach the situation with a cooler head. Having this trait can help control emotional outbursts.
It can be easy to lash out at children when they are acting out. However, this is rarely helpful when parenting. Someone who controls their emotions can teach their children emotional control.
11. They are supportive
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At any age, children need support from their parents. Whether they’re going through a difficult toddler phase or trying to get through high school, having their parents in their corner makes a difference. Naturally supportive people may approach parenting differently than others. They may have the patience to provide unending care for their children, even through difficult times.
"Supportive parenting describes an approach to authoritative parenting in which mothers and fathers are conscious of how often they say no to children (as they often must, especially when kids are young) so that they can seek more opportunities to say yes to them in encouraging ways that help kids develop confidence and self-esteem," says Psychology Today. "When children are mostly told what they cannot do, they can feel rejected by a parent, even a well-meaning one, with potentially negative emotional outcomes. Being consciously supportive and selfless with children can help them internalize belief in themselves."
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
