10 Specific Compliments Manipulative People Use To Trick You
MAYA LAB | ShutterstockWhen manipulative people use compliments to get their way, it can quickly become the opposite. Manipulative people are able to see the effect that certain words have on others and will use that to their advantage when they want something.
Instead of just appreciating something about another person, they choose specific compliments that seem flattering at first, but underneath hides a different motive that usually ends in someone being dependent on them. They want others to trust them, and the best way to earn that trust is showering someone with what they think is endless praise and fluffy words.
Manipulative people use very distinct compliments to trick unsuspecting people:
1. 'This connection is once-in-a-lifetime'
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The act of love bombing is something manipulators heavily depend on. They'll rely on phrases within this tactic to ensure that someone becomes heavily attached to them. They'll bury someone in constant praise or shower them with gifts, as well as giving them their undivided attention.
But all of that only exists in the beginning. They're trying to fast-track that level of intimacy so they can gain the other person's trust and devotion without having to actually work for it within an adequate amount of time.
2. 'I've never met anyone like you'
At first, hearing someone say "I've never met anyone like you" can leave you feeling special. On the surface, it sounds like someone is expressing how unique you are and they haven't come across someone else with the same aura as you.
But coming from a manipulative person, this compliment makes you feel like you have to perform for them. It's as if your personality is too interesting to be defined and, because of that, you constantly have to be aware and stay on your toes around them.
3. 'You're the only one who understands me'
If you're the only one who seemingly understands a manipulative person, it can start to feel like stepping back would leave them alone entirely. It's less of a compliment and more like a warning that you can never leave them. It may eventually make it hard to set boundaries or even just express how you feel because they take it as a personal slight against them.
You may start to feel pressured to suddenly be available all the time towards this person, and that is inherently manipulative. Chronic manipulators heavily thrive on being able to depend on relationships as a way for them to exert control. Without that, they have nothing.
4. 'You're so generous'
Manipulative people will often rely on complimenting someone on specific traits. For example, they'll gush about how someone is being "so loyal" or "so generous," meaning that now they feel this weight of having to keep up with these praises until the end of time. People naturally just want to stay consistent with how someone claims to see them.
But before long, you're suddenly making decisions based on that label rather than actually honoring your own needs. The benefits of being more assertive over your needs isn't just forming healthier relationships and having more agency over your life, it's also about having greater self-esteem and even regulating certain feelings.
5. 'I love how you think'
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At first, this type of compliment comes in rapid succession before disappearing completely. Referred to as "intermittent praise," manipulative people will be all warm one day and then the next day they're suddenly cold as ice. "I love how you think" quickly becomes "you're reading too much into things."
They do this as a way to keep others chasing after them and wanting their validation. The sudden retraction of compliments leaves the other person feeling like they did something wrong, when they didn't at all.
6. 'You're so good with money, do you mind paying this bill?'
A manipulative person will pay someone a compliment that also somehow ends up being a request. Called the "foot-in-the-door technique," they'll say that someone is "oh so good" with money before then asking them to pay the bill. It's actually a tactic to get someone to comply by making a modest request, them agreeing to it, and then following it up with a larger request.
They're hoping that by putting some praise in the beginning, it'll soften the blow of getting them to do something for them. It then makes actually saying no awkward. Not only will a manipulative person see it as rejection, but they'll quickly try and change the mind of the other person. But the importance of saying no should always outweigh how someone else will take it, especially if it's something you don't want to do.
7. 'You're the reason this works so well'
You can quickly feel a swell of happiness in your chest at hearing that you're the reason why something is working out. It feels like all your effort is finally being recognized. Unfortunately, that's not what manipulative people actually mean when they say this compliment.
Instead of actually acknowledging your contributions, they frame it in a way that makes it seem like you're the main reason why everything is running smoothly. That usually makes it hard for you to actually want to leave or even just address things that aren't making you happy.
8. 'You're the only one I can really count on'
The problem with this compliment when it's coming from a manipulative person is that they want the other person to feel a sense of responsibility for them and the relationship. If you're the only person they can count on, that means you're now carrying a lot of their expectations.
They're putting you on a pedestal and just assuming that you'll act and do certain things just because they see you as being such a big part of their life. There's no room to be imperfect at all.
9. 'You're so understanding'
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The moment you try to bring up an issue that you may have with a manipulative person, they're suddenly showering you with compliments that are clearly meant to disarm you. Referred to as "the disarm" tactic, manipulative people will pull this out when they aren't trying to apologize or make things right with you.
While they originally tell you that "you're so understanding," this compliment quickly turns into something weaponized, usually something like "that shouldn't have bothered you." They don't want to have to take accountability or be vulnerable in any way, so they try to distract with pretty words, hoping that you'll suddenly forget what the issue was in the first place.
10. 'I can see us being great in the future'
A manipulator will use the future as a way to keep someone under their thumb. They'll disguise sweet promises with talks of the future to keep someone sticking around longer than they should, also known as "future faking." According to licensed therapist Yolanda Renteria, "Future faking is basically love-bombing on a grander scale... Future-fake is about manipulation to get something from you in the now. They aren't actually thinking about the future."
Manipulators are actually really only buying patience because they already know there's no such thing as a future at all. It's simply their way of having to avoid living up to the other person's wants and needs.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
