Men Who Can't Use These 11 Emotional Phrases Rarely Make Good Life Partners
mikrosh / ShutterstockVetting your date is crucial to actually finding a good partner. This much has been common knowledge for years upon years. More often than not, people tend to focus on what people do rather than what they don’t do. This is also true about the things people do and don't say. We pay attention to the words that are spoken rather than the silences that occur.
Silence can speak louder than words at times, and if a man isn’t willing to be vulnerable and say certain emotional phrases and statements, he might not be the right match for you. If you do continue to date him, there's a good chance he won't make for a particularly good life partner.
Men who can't use these 11 emotional phrases rarely make good life partners
1. 'I’m not comfortable doing that'
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Perhaps one of the most difficult things for a guy to say is that he’s not comfortable doing something. This can be true when it comes to commitment as well as when it comes to things like attending parties or hanging out with certain friends. Many men tend to be low-key people pleasers, which means that they will often go with the flow until they break.
People pleasers cannot say no easily. By the time they are ready to put their foot down, people pleasers will have burnt themselves out so much that they’re ready to explode. This often leaves their partners shocked and blindsided.
If you notice that your partner seems to grin and bear it at times, he could be a people pleaser, and that means he might put other people’s needs over morality. No thanks!
2. 'This was my fault'
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One of the most noticeable traits of a bad person is the way they handle guilt or being caught doing something wrong. A decent person will admit when they do something wrong. It’s not always easy, but they’ll do it.
Bad people are the ones who will try to shift blame, avoid the questions they have, or even gaslight you into thinking it’s not their fault. Some of these people can be very convincing. However, over time, you’ll notice that they won’t admit wrongdoing no matter what evidence is presented to them. It’s not a good trait.
3. 'I’m sorry'
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Out of all the phrases that are the most obvious on this list, “I’m sorry” might rank as #1. Refusing to apologize for wrongdoings is another way of avoiding accountability. To people who avoid saying "I’m sorry," an apology is an admission of guilt. It’s a sign that they are showing weakness that could be exploited.
A decent person can say sorry when they need to and are aware enough to recognize when it’s time to apologize. A person who avoids apologizing tends to be a disaster in relationships. After all, nothing will ever be their fault—and even when it is their fault, they’ll never apologize for it.
4. 'I don’t like that'
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Remember when I said that people pleasers tend to bend ethics and morals in order to make everyone happy? They also tend to be the worst type of doormats. Not being able to state your boundaries clearly is a sign that you will end up hurting them, and yes, they will blame you for not knowing. Boundary-setting and being honest about opinions is an act of kindness.
A person who can’t say that they don’t like something is already lying to you. By the time you find out the truth, there will be a total disaster that might not even be able to be fixed. People who behave this way aren’t awful by default, but they are people who have little integrity.
5. 'Don’t talk about my friend like that'
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Most of us have experienced a moment when we caught “friends” talking poorly about us. How other friends react when they hear others talk smack tells you volumes about the type of people they are. It’s not easy to take a stand when you hear that kind of gossip and insult against others you love. The peer pressure is real.
A person who stands up for you is a person who has real integrity. If a person won’t defend you to their friends, that shows you how little integrity they have. That’s a sign that you’re dealing with a bad person, not to mention a fake friend. Besides, therapists note that there are few things as hurtful as feeling unsupported by a partner. Do you really want to keep someone like that around?
6. 'You really impressed me with [random action here]'
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The internet is always talking about “love bombing,” an action that involves getting people emotionally invested in them through excessive flattery and compliments. It’s a trick abusers use to manipulate others. Unfortunately, it’s gotten to the point where people have started to look at every affectionate person as a manipulator.
A lack of compliments can be just as much of a red flag as an overabundance. If you find yourself trying to pull compliments or approval out of your man’s mouth, that’s a warning. He might be withholding compliments to make your self-esteem suffer. This is a tacit form of emotional abuse known as withholding, and it’s incredibly toxic.
7. 'You’re right'
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Do you have a pet peeve about men who would rather be right than be happy? It’s not just a “you” thing. It’s actually fairly warranted. Even when presented with evidence that counters their beliefs or statements, some guys just detest having to admit to others that they could ever be mistaken.
This issue is annoying, but it’s also quite telling. While this phrase doesn’t always have to mean that he did something wrong, it does mean that he has to admit he might not be the smartest person in the room. A guy who’s very vain won’t ever want to admit that to anyone, period.
8. 'Let me handle this'
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Does it ever feel like the modern dating world is mostly focused on what potential dates can do for you? While there is good reason for this, the truth is that it’s normalized a lot of selfish behavior in society. One of the worst things is seeing how frequently men seem to want to avoid helping their dates or partners with everything, even the table check!
If it feels like you’re always the one saying this phrase, chances are that you’re not with a good partner. You shouldn’t have to beg and plead to get them to pull their weight or treat you. If you almost never hear them say anything similar to this phrase, they are most likely users.
9. 'Thank you'
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Oh, this is a big one. People often don’t realize how big an impact a simple expression of gratitude can have. Gratitude isn’t just about having good manners (though that can play a part in why it’s shown), but it’s also about having the right attitude. Psychologists note that people who say thanks for minor things tend to be more positive.
It also doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that people who show sincere displays of gratitude tend to be less entitled. And let’s just face it: an entitled attitude tends to come with a lot of bad behavior.
10. 'I understand that feeling'
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Feeling heard is one of the most important things to experience in a healthy relationship. It’s also one of the signs that you’re on the same wavelength. One thing that abusers often do is make you feel crazy or unreasonable for the way that you feel. It can be part of gaslighting or part of a different “flavor” of emotional abuse.
A good rule of thumb is that you should compare how you used to feel with how he makes you feel. If you find that you’re questioning your sanity quite a bit more, there’s a good chance that he might be gaslighting you. This is especially true if he refuses to acknowledge your feelings while saying you’re overreacting.
11. 'This is my ex-girlfriend. She’s a total sweetheart'
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Here’s one thing I’ve noticed: bad men tend to be totally estranged from all their exes. They don’t have any exes with whom they are on good terms because they treated them terribly. If you never hear him describe a girl as an ex or talk about an ex in a good way, that can be a huge red flag.
Take it from someone who has been there: if he won’t talk well about any of his exes, he will treat you with the same dignity. (In other words, he will talk negatively about you, too, and it won’t be pretty.)
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
