Experts Say People Who Grow Surprisingly Happier As They Age Usually Practice These 10 Tiny Habits
Olena Yakobchuk | ShutterstockThe key to happiness — as cliché as it sounds — can't be found in other people. Research has explored the different ways outside factors can influence our happiness for better or worse.
Yet, the result stays the same: Happiness begins and ends with your habits. People who grow surprisingly happier as they age usually take some time to go out and create their own bliss, but by nurturing these tiny habits, they know happiness is right around the corner.
People who grow surprisingly happier as they age usually practice these 10 tiny habits:
1. People who grow happier as they age choose themselves, even if it may upset others
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This may mean setting better boundaries with friends — or even your boss. This may help you sleep better and feel better about yourself. It's easy to put ourselves last. Many things get in the way, like work or family. Start by putting yourself first on the list. It really is true: we can't take care of anyone else unless we take care of ourselves.
Psychologist Guy Winch, Ph.D., explained, "Setting boundaries is a skill set that gets easier with practice but is never pleasant. Get support from someone who understands the context and can be there to debrief with you afterward to offer support and help keep you accountable during the maintenance phase."
2. People who grow happier as they age allow themselves to make mistakes
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Give yourself permission to slip up every once in a while. No one is perfect; we are human, and we all make mistakes. This is giving yourself a pass, just like you would to a friend or family member. It's easy to give others a second chance, but hard to do it for ourselves. Stop putting the expectation of being perfect on yourself.
"When you’re attached to perfection, it’s almost impossible to finish anything because it will never be perfect," cautions psychologist Judith Tutin, Ph.D. "Making decisions is fraught with difficulties because you never know whether your choice is the 'right' one."
3. People who grow happier as they age dream big
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Remember when you were a child, and you had so many dreams? What happened to them? Don't focus on whether or not they come true, just allow them to happen. This will do wonders for your emotional state.
Life coach Debra Smouse advised, "Let each desire kindle a response for more. It’s okay if these desires are a bit fantastic or unrealistic because hidden within each unrealistic desire, there is a piece of truth. If this feels scary, you’re on the right path. If this feels hard, you’re on the right path. If this feels impossible to do without privacy, make a date with yourself."
4. People who grow happier as they age end toxic relationships
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Don't stay with anyone who makes you feel bad or hurts you. This can actually be harmful to your health. A study on the negative aspects of close relationships found that people who experienced negative aspects of close relationships had a higher risk of heart-related health problems.
So it is important to recognize when you're in a toxic relationship, and permit yourself to walk away from it. There are a lot of really good people out there who can't wait to meet you, so go and find them — you deserve it.
5. People who grow happier as they age stop beating themselves up
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This is something we have all done, and it really is a waste of time. We tell ourselves things that aren't true. Maybe these are things you heard growing up, or that were shouted at you in a prior relationship. Replace each negative thought with a positive thought. It can be as simple as "Today will be a fresh start."
Personal development coach Barbara Rush suggested, "It's only a thought, and you can control your thoughts, fortunately. Thoughts are simply choices. You don't wear clothes that make you feel uncomfortable or eat food you don't like. So why choose thoughts that make you feel bad?"
6. People who grow happier as they age calm their minds
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Another one of those simple things that many people think they don't have time for. Five minutes of deep breathing or meditation can do wonders for the brain and the body. You are totally worth at least five minutes!
"At some point in your day, do something aimless that doesn’t involve your phone or have a purpose," suggested life coach Susie Pettit. "Look at the trees. Count the tiles on your floor. Hug your child. Snuggle your dog. Breathe. Write it on your calendar as 'Radical Downtime' and stop for ten breaths or ten minutes. Find time each day to stop doing and just be. We are human beings, yet we spend our time as human doings."
7. People who grow happier as they age let go of the past
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Stop blaming your parents or previous partners for current issues. They aren't perfect either, so this is a great time to start practicing gratitude. What do you appreciate about yourself and the people who've influenced you? Write a list and keep it close by. This will help when you are feeling down.
"Letting go of the past, despite the pain and the lost hopes, will allow you to lift your head and focus on the opportunities for happiness that are put in front of you," said confidence coach Mitzi Bockmann. "If you don’t, you will be destined to be miserable. And life is too short to be miserable."
8. People who grow happier as they age allow themselves to be human
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Nobody is happy all the time, and a real friend doesn't expect you to be that way. You feel both good and bad emotions, and that is all right. Allow yourself to be human.
Wellness coach Anna McKinlay elaborated, "Challenge, struggle, pain, and negative thoughts are a part of our human experience. When you try to eliminate these from your life, you risk missing out on a life of purpose, accomplishment, and meaning. Instead, you can look for ways to broaden your emotional diet, and make day-to-day choices that allow you a sense of accomplishment, connection with others, activities that give us a sense of engagement, or that bring more meaning into your life."
9. People who grow happier as they age have fun
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"You can get clear about what you want, put in place healthy habits, and adopt a positive frame of mind, but there comes a point when you need to let it all go," explained confidence coach Lisa Petsinis. "Things might not go as expected, and sometimes, circumstances turn out better."
When life doesn't go as expected, do the things that really light your fire! Having fun is good for your health. Make it a priority. Make sure to plan time to have fun with the people who treat you right and you enjoy being with.
10. People who grow happier as they age don't give up on themselves
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Don't give up on yourself. Don't let others' opinions bring you down. Remember, it's only their opinion, and it can always change. Research reminds us that everyone has biases, but we don't have to let them influence us.
Start every day with a positive affirmation and focus on it during the day. Especially when that critical voice pops inside your head. Start with just one of these steps today. You will begin to love and accept yourself more. Just imagine what it will be like when you practice all ten of these steps.
Lianne Avila is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in San Mateo, CA. Her work has been featured in Psych Central, BRIDES, and Prevention.
