Introverted Extroverts Say These 10 Everyday Moments Perfectly Capture What It’s Like To Be Both
Three Spots | CanvaMost people identify themselves as either an introvert or an extrovert. But what about the people who fall somewhere between the normal lines — the introverted extroverts? I'm right there with you. I love going out and being surrounded by my friends, but I also crave the time I can spend completely alone with no distractions.
Research has described introversion as a deep self-awareness and inner reflection; extroversion as accumulating and processing external stimuli; and ambiversion as integrating the interaction of the two opposing processes. So there are some things all extroverted introverts can relate to (or social introvert, or ambivert, if that's the term you like better).
Introverted extroverts say these 10 everyday moments perfectly capture what it’s like to be both:
1. Introverted extroverts like talking to strangers, but not when it's small talk
Introverted extroverts can hold a conversation for the most part, but small talk doesn't keep their brains engaged in the conversation. Small talk is light and fun, but we like deeper conversations. Not to say we won't ever engage in small talk, because we do — and studies have shown that's part of life. But we always try to push it a little bit further and dig deeper. We want the conversation to lead us to getting to know the person.
Often, when I find myself surrounded by people wishing I wasn't there. I'll usually give myself a pep talk to try to get myself into the conversation so people don't start asking, "What's wrong?" There's nothing wrong; I would rather just be home by myself, not trying to make small talk over things I have no interest in talking about.
2. They stay in the back if they're not comfortable in a group
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You love being surrounded by people, but generally only by people you're comfortable around. Being around a different group of people makes you feel awkward and might even give you a little social anxiety.
There are times when all I want to do is go out and see every person I know. I'll text nearly everyone I can think of to make sure they're all going out. Interaction with others is a necessary and normal part of life, but sometimes I go out of my way to make the effort to make sure I will be surrounded by people I care about.
3. Introverted extroverts talk to everyone some days, and nobody most days
Some days, introverted extroverts text all your friends and make plans, whereas other days they ignore everyone. It just depends on the day. There's no real explanation other than you have two opposite ways to recharge, and you need a balance of both. If you spend too much time around people, you're dying to get back to the comfort of your own home. But if you spend too much time alone, you desire being around others.
4. They prefer meaningful conversation
As I said, small talk isn't important to us. It makes us more uncomfortable, especially when the conversation goes nowhere, like usual. When we have a conversation, one study has suggested we want to get to know you, the real you. We want to have something engaging and meaningful to talk about. Deep conversation is what it's all about.
5. They're often wrapped up in their own head
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You're always thinking, alone and with people. Your brain goes in a million different directions. Whether it's thinking about something you have to do next week or something you forgot to ask a friend, there's always something on your mind. You also frequently give yourself pep talks when you need some motivation.
6. Introverted extroverts won't leave their house without some convincing
Because what if it isn't fun or isn't worth it? I'd probably end up regretting getting up and leaving behind my books and laptop. But what if it's the best time and everyone's talking about how fun it is? There are nights when introverted extroverts don't want to do anything and nights when they want to do everything.
"It's so important to know where you are on the personality scale," advised spiritual coach Kristine Carlson. "Not understanding yourself can cause a lot of anxiety and issues if you aren't giving yourself the right balance. Giving yourself the right balance is as important as remembering to eat. This is part of your genetic makeup, so it's critical to give yourself the amount of social interaction you need to have a happy and healthy life.
7. They like being alone, but that doesn't mean they like being lonely
There's a total difference between the two. You like being alone because you choose to be alone. But you don't like being alone because you don't have anyone there for you. Research has helped show that being alone and spending time doing your own thing is what makes you happy, but being with people does too. Being lonely satisfies nothing and completely kills both moods.
8. They enjoy listening just as much as talking
You enjoy listening to others because sometimes all you want is someone to listen to you. Even when you don't have anything to say, your listening helps someone out because they know you're involved. But listening to someone who has something going on engages us because we feel important, like we're doing something good for someone.
Career consultant Ruth Schimel, Ph.D., explained, "In all situations, listening helps boost trust and understanding. It promotes learning and opportunities. A foundation for intimacy and closeness, listening can also strengthen most relationships. As passive and simple as it may seem, listening is a powerful skill that benefits from your self-awareness and practice."
9. Introverted extroverts are selectively social
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You enjoy being social, but you don't want to be social with everyone. People who are involved in a lot of drama are completely out of your interest range. You don't enjoy talking negatively about others, and you'd rather avoid people who do. It makes you extremely uncomfortable.
Life coach Sidhharrth S Kumaar added, "Our personalities often fluctuate between two extremes as we consider ourselves either extroverted or introverted. Often, we forget that the majority of people reside midway between these aspects. Such people are comfortable in meetings or big parties, and equally, relish sitting alone reading a book or enjoying their own company. They are neither an introvert nor an extrovert, but their personality signifies the perfect balance between the two."
10. They make new friends easily, but often have a hard time maintaining those friendships
Making friends is no problem for introverted extroverts. When you're out, you love being out. You talk to people, you're social, and you're happy. But after the night out is over and you wake up the next morning, the importance of maintaining that friendship isn't very high. Whether it's because you don't feel like texting anyone or because you don't want to leave the house, it's the maintenance that's the real struggle for you.
Becca is a freelance writer who specializes in love and relationship topics.
