11 Text Messages Only Sent By The Most Highly Manipulative People
Reezky Pradata | ShutterstockEveryone has all kinds of people in their lives who serve different purposes. Some will make you feel truly lucky to know them, while others might make you question your sanity a bit. When someone exhibits a pattern of causing you to question your perception of reality, they’re highly manipulative.
As licensed marriage and family therapist Lauren Masopust explained, “These behaviors are usually the individual’s attempt at maintaining power or control in a relationship, though they may not be aware of the damage they are causing to others.” Manipulative behavior can manifest in a lot of ways, and it doesn’t have to be face-to-face. In fact, there are certain text messages only sent by the most highly manipulative people, and once you recognize them, you'll be less like to become a victim.
Here are 11 text messages only sent by the most highly manipulative people
1. ‘You’re overreacting’
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Accusing someone of overreacting is a classic move of manipulators. Chances are you’re not overreacting at all, but that person wants you to think you are so you question your emotions and back off. Anytime a manipulative person hears something they don’t like, they can just say “You’re overreacting” in an attempt to shut you down and maintain control.
Board-certified psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren shared that this is actually a common tactic used by someone who is gaslighting, which is “the experience of being manipulated into doubting your feelings and perceptions of reality.” She added, “By accusing you of being dramatic, the gaslighter is attempting to dismiss your concerns as irrational and unfounded.”
No one wants to be told they’re overreacting because that means someone is essentially invalidating their feelings. Manipulative people do this so they can try to stop you from thinking too hard about what’s really going on. They want to hold all the power, and one way to do that is to keep you from questioning why they hold that power in the first place.
2. ‘I guess I don’t matter to you anymore’
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Manipulators like to mess with your mind, and one way to do that is to put the blame back on you. Of course, all of the blame belongs to them with the twisted games they’re playing, but they want you to think you’re the bad guy. “I guess I don’t matter to you anymore” is one of the rude text messages only sent by the most highly manipulative people and is a direct attack on your emotions, making you think you’ve done something wrong.
Psychology educator Kendra Cherry noted, “Guilt-tripping is often designed to manipulate other people by preying on their emotions and feelings of guilt or responsibility. This can be a form of toxic behavior that can have detrimental effects on a person’s well-being as well as their relationships.”
Guilt-tripping someone is pretty low, even for manipulators. You’ve likely done nothing wrong, but a manipulative person will still work hard to make you feel like you’re the problem. Seeing this message flash across your screen can be incredibly disheartening and confusing.
3. ‘I’m only acting this way because you made me’
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There they go again, shifting the blame to you when you did nothing wrong. This message is slightly different though, because it strongly implies that you had some sort of direct influence on the manipulative person’s actions. This is a situation that could definitely qualify as gaslighting because it would make you wonder if you’ve lost it.
“After communicating with the person gaslighting you, you may be left feeling dazed and wondering if there is something wrong with you. You may be encouraged to think you are actually to blame for something or that you’re just being too sensitive,” life coach Sherri Gordon warned.
One thing a manipulative person will never do is take responsibility for their own actions. It’s much more comfortable for them, and really just easier, to place the blame where it doesn’t belong. A manipulator wants you to feel bad about yourself and like you can’t overcome the control they have, so they work to keep you down.
4. ‘Do whatever you want’
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If you got a message telling you to do whatever you wanted to, you’d probably feel pretty happy. If it came from someone who is constantly difficult, then that’s even better. They’re finally giving you free reign to do whatever you want and not trying to control your actions anymore, right?
Looking at this message at surface level, it may seem that way. But, in reality, it's one of the text messages only sent by the most highly manipulative people. There’s an underlying, silent implication that goes along with this.
When a manipulative person tells you to do whatever you want, they’re basically saying that they know whatever it is you want isn’t good enough, but they aren’t going to try to stop you and talk you out of it.
Marriage consultant Sheri Stritof stated, “If someone consistently makes you feel emotionally drained, anxious, fearful, or doubtful of your own needs, thoughts, and feelings, you may be dealing with emotional manipulation.” So, if someone makes you doubt what it is you really want simply by telling you to do whatever that is, you’ve got a manipulator on your hands.
5. ‘Everyone else agrees with me’
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This is a dangerous message to receive. You can be absolutely positive that you’re right, but when a manipulative person frames themselves as being in the right because everyone agrees with them, it can be hard to hold onto that conviction. There is strength in numbers, after all, and hearing that you’re the odd one out can make you question yourself.
Health and wellness writers Crystal Raypole and Sandra Silva explained, “Gaslighting can also happen when someone believes their narrative is more valid than someone else’s, but they may not have strong arguments. They still need to feel superior, so putting someone else’s opinions down may give them that sense of superiority.”
There’s a pretty good chance that no one actually agrees with the manipulator, and if you asked around, you’d probably discover that truth. But the manipulator feels the need to be right, so they gaslight you into thinking that your beliefs are wrong and theirs are right. And, of course, you’d never dare ask around and see if “everyone” agreed anyway because of the hold they have over you.
6. ‘Answer me now’
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Maybe you’re one of those people who has a habit of leaving people on read. You don’t mean to not reply to texts, but you just get busy and forget to. That doesn’t work for manipulators.
Seeing a message like “answer me now” pop up on your phone can feel disconcerting, but it’s just another way that manipulative person tries to control the narrative and keep you in what they consider to be your rightful place.
Professor Preston Ni revealed that “giving you little or no time to decide” is a sign someone is manipulating you. “This is a common sales and negotiation tactic, where the manipulator puts pressure on you to make a decision before you’re ready,” he continued. “By applying tension and control onto you, it is hoped that you will ‘crack’ and give in to the aggressor’s demands.”
By insisting you answer immediately, the manipulative person is increasing the chances that you’ll just go along with whatever they’re saying. Receiving a message like this can also lead to a sense of panic, which would make it harder for you to act rationally and really think through your options. It’s like they’re ambushing you.
7. ‘I never said that’
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Manipulators are definitely not above going so far as to deny something you both know happened never really did. This really turns more into gaslighting, as it makes you question what you know to be reality. A message like “I never said that” will make you question your own memory and thoughts, and possibly leave you feeling a little crazy.
Health writer Jennifer Huizen said that denial is one way that gaslighting can manifest. “Denial involves a person refusing to take responsibility for their actions,” she said. “They may do this by pretending to forget what happened, saying they did not do it, or blaming their behavior on someone else.”
There are few forms of denial quite as strong as “I never said that.” The manipulator is trying to erase the past and rewrite history so it fits their own agenda. Your sanity may be collateral damage in that effort, but they aren’t really concerned about that. They just want to make sure they stay in control.
8. ‘You did that just to hurt me’
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Another text message a highly manipulative person might send is anything along the lines of “you did that just to hurt me.” This is another kind of guilt-trip, but it’s a bit more sinister.
Your actions were probably completely innocent and not meant to hurt anybody. But because they reflected badly on the manipulator somehow, they insist it was purposeful.
Counselor Dr. Sharie Stines revealed, “The only way manipulation can work is if you allow it to. Your manipulator has studied you and knows your weaknesses. He knows you want to take care of him, be the hero, be forgiving, be sacrificial, etc. He will use his manipulations to exploit your weaknesses (and your strengths) to his advantage.”
In this situation, the manipulative person wants, and expects, you to get defensive. Your best way to fight back is to not take the bait. You can calmly explain that what they’re saying isn’t true, but there’s no need to get riled up about it. A level-headed approach can stop a manipulator in their tracks.
9. ‘If you really cared, you would do this’
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Few things are as frustrating as a manipulator sending messages like this that make your love seem conditional. If you’re not willing to do X, then you must not really care about them. Of course, it doesn’t matter that that thing could be harmful or hurtful to you. All they care about is the fact that it will benefit them in some way.
Licensed professional counselor Kara Nassour shared that dealing with these kinds of false accusations can be a form of gaslighting. This is because facing these repeated accusations makes you question your memories and what you know is true, or causes you to feel guilt for no reason.
When you care about someone and they accuse you of feeling the exact opposite, it can be really painful and confusing. But that manipulator knows that you care, and they don’t need any more proof to believe it’s true. They simply want to convince you to do something that’s good for them, and weaponize your affection to do so.
10. ‘I guess I’m just a terrible person then’
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A manipulative person wants to make you feel bad about yourself and think you’re hurting them when the opposite is actually happening. They may declare that they must be a terrible person over text to make you pity them and feel like you went too far with whatever you said that caused them to respond in such a way.
“Has anyone ever made you feel bad about something you’ve done (or didn’t do)?” Cherry asked. “A guilt-trip is essentially causing another person to feel guilt or a sense of responsibility to change their behavior or take specific action. Because guilt can be such a powerful motivator of human behavior, people can wield it as a tool to change how others think, feel, and behave.”
Everyone is wrong sometimes, but there’s very little chance that you’re really in the wrong when you’re dealing with a manipulator. Someone who was trying to have a rational conversation wouldn’t jump straight to implying that you think they’re a bad person. This is a sure sign that someone is manipulating you with a guilt-trip.
11. ‘I was just joking’
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By texting “I was just joking,” a manipulator is basically excusing whatever it was they said that likely hurt you very deeply. It doesn’t erase what they said, but it does supposedly erase their responsibility for it. This is a way of toying with your emotions by saying whatever they want to, no matter how offensive it may be, and then absolving themselves of any blame.
Licensed counselor Jamie Cannon noted, "Manipulators who don’t get what they want from others often transform into a victim overnight... The key to recognizing these patterns is to look for a lack of accountability in their statements. Manipulators rarely accept full responsibility for their less-than-desirable outcomes.”
Maybe that manipulative person was trying to make what they believed to be a humorous joke, or not-so-subtly share what they really think about you, but it backfired. Instead of just taking responsibility and apologizing, they’ll act like it was nothing. They can’t possibly be responsible for hurting someone else, even though it’s what they do all the time.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
