11 Things Deeply Kind People Often Learn Too Late In Life
Krakenimages.com | ShutterstockIt's important to be kind in life, no matter what troubles you face along the way. Because no matter what happens, keeping a gentle spirit is what truly makes a person thrive. And while kindness certainly has its advantages, when people give too much of themselves to others without understanding a few important lessons along the way, it can have detrimental effects.
Whether it's realizing that not everyone will understand them or that it's okay to walk away from a toxic situation, there are many things deeply kind people often learn too late in life. The trouble with kindness is that it's often taken for granted, but despite the pitfalls, it offers people a chance to spread happiness.
Here are 11 things deeply kind people often learn too late in life
1. Not everyone will appreciate you
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In an ideal world, you'd feel loved and supported by those closest to you. From friends to family members, kind people romanticize the idea that their good behavior will always pay off. Unfortunately, not everyone is a saint, which is why others are quick to take advantage of them.
Kind people don't usually notice it at first. So caught up in their bubble, they naively believe that everyone has their best intentions at heart. But as social psychologist Ronald E. Riggio pointed out, "The desire to get along with others can lead to being taken advantage of by unscrupulous, high-pressure salespersons or even potential romantic partners."
2. Saying 'no' doesn't make you rude
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If there's one thing nice people do, it's be overly kind to others. Call them people-pleasers, but they can't help but want to make everyone happy. They're quick to push aside their boundaries in favor of meeting in the middle, not realizing that saying "no" to things they don't want to do isn't rude after all.
Nobody wants to shut someone down or make others unhappy. But unfortunately, one of the things deeply kind people often learn too late in life is that, when it comes to boundaries, it should never be an option. Everyone has boundaries in place to protect their mental health.
3. You can't fix everyone
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No matter what they're going through, everyone dreams of saving someone. But as the average person grows and realizes that not everyone can be fixed, it may be too late in life to change course. Kind people do their best to help, but the more they help, the worse their well-being can become.
As licensed clinical psychologist Julie Radico explained, "These patterns of people-pleasing likely result in forgoing giving yourself enough time to rest, thereby draining you mentally, physically, and emotionally... If this is your default setting, it can stop you from asking for help or taking care of yourself when you really need to."
4. Your worth isn't defined by how much you give
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Many kind people grew up as people-pleasers. Blame it on their parents or environment, but it doesn't change the fact that they give more than they ever take. Yes, relationships are about being selfless, but it's all about balance. Unfortunately, deeply kind people often learn this lesson too late in life.
They burn themselves out as they go above and beyond for people they love most, or even for those they hardly know. So, it's so important to make sure kind people are also receiving; otherwise, they'll be taken advantage of.
5. Some relationships aren't worth your energy
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It isn't easy to navigate relationships. No matter how healthy they may be, there's bound to be conflict from time to time. And kind people may love that person who has always been there for them, but they feel as if they owe them a debt.
The issue with kindness is that it's easy to use against them. Without realizing it, kind people attract toxic people and situations, leading to burnout. To protect their health, kind people should distance themselves from bad influences.
6. Kindness requires energy, so recharge often
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Everyone thinks kindness comes easily. Like breathing, people can muster the energy and patience to be sweet, no matter what life throws their way. But this is far from reality. Sure, it's a lot easier said than done, but recharging doesn't need to be a battle.
Whether it's meditating, lying in bed for a few hours, or simply going on a walk, finding a way to reset their mind is the greatest way for kind people to keep their energy up.
7. Your feelings matter, too
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With kind people, it's all too easy for them to push their feelings to the side. Feeling guilty for thinking of themselves, they hyper-fixate on others, leading to them burning out in the process. So, kind people must accept their feelings. No matter how much others try to convince them otherwise, learning to be in touch with their emotions is the greatest gift they can give themselves.
As psychologist Elizabeth Sadock said, "Once we stop fighting our emotions, we can redirect that energy into exploring what we want in our lives. We are no longer stuck or consumed by efforts to avoid feeling. We can now pick up our heads and move in a more productive direction, considering what our emotions are telling us about what matters most to us."
8. It's okay to walk away
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Whether it was their parents or friends uttering this phrase, everyone knows the importance of walking away. Of course, nobody likes to say goodbye to those they adore, but if that person is draining their energy or being toxic, it's okay to let bygones be bygones.
No matter how difficult it is, kind people should remember that their mental health is worth more than any other relationship.
9. Expecting reciprocity often leads to disappointment
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Everyone wants someone to love them as much as they love others. Putting their heart and soul into everything they do, it's normal for kind people to want the same in return. However, not everyone cares enough to give the same effort. You can't change people or their effort, so it's best not to expect every single person you love to always give you the same love in return.
"When we expect others to change sometime in a nebulous and distant future, we aren't dealing with reality — and as a result, we don't protect ourselves the way we need to. Our job is to assess whether the situation, as it is now, meets our needs — and if not, to set boundaries accordingly," professional certified coach Hailey Magee explained.
10. You can't control other people's choices
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It isn't easy to let your loved ones do what they want. While kind people respect their autonomy, there's a genuine fear they have about their loved ones getting hurt. At the start, they might think they're helping. After all, why wouldn't they give advice and guidance?
However, the issue with doing this often stems from the fact that people will make their choices regardless of how they feel. Unfortunately, being unable to control the choices of others is one of the things deeply kind people often learn too late in life.
11. It's okay to feel angry or frustrated
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Nobody wants to feel negative emotions. In an ideal world, people could avoid the discomfort and skip straight to the good part. However, negative emotions aren't all that bad. As therapist Judith S. Beck said, "These emotions can also motivate us to engage in problem-solving and take action in line with our values."
So, it's crucial to never let those emotions build up. Even if the people-pleaser in them screams at them to cater to others, they should resist. Because while it sounds like a good idea on the surface, never allowing themselves to release negativity will come back to bite them.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
