11 Things Women Wish They Could Say As Confidently As Men Without Being Hated
KIRAYONAK YULIYA / ShutterstockAs a woman, there are so many things I wish I could say with confidence. It often feels like women are picked apart under a microscope. It’s like everything we say and do is being judged, and often, we stifle our true emotions to protect others.
Men don’t have to deal with some of the societal pressures women face. Often, we are expected to handle ourselves a certain way. We should be ‘ladylike’ and polite, and put the feelings of others before our own. Sometimes, these phrases are only one word. If you are a woman, how hard is it for you to say ‘No’? It likely feels impossible because so many people rely on us. It can feel like everyone will hate us if we say these simple sentences to stand up for ourselves, while men can say them with confidence.
These are 11 things women wish they could say as confidently as men without being hated
1. ‘No’
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There is power in saying ‘no.’ For men, it comes easily. They are encouraged to stand up for themselves. Society has taught them that they are granted natural power, while women should hold their tongue and look pretty. This outdated gender norm harms women. Instead of putting their foot down, they keep quiet.
‘No’ is such a simple word, but for women, it takes a lot of courage to say. Often, people will dislike a woman who tells them no. Whether it’s in a romantic or work setting, they may feel like they can never win. Many women wish they could say this and put others, especially men, in their place. However, it’s easier said than done.
2. ‘That’s not my job’
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There are many instances I can think of when I wanted to say this phrase. When I worked in the corporate setting, I found myself doing work outside of my job description. Often, they were tasks my boss usually handled but would throw onto my workload when convenient for him. Instead of doing only my job, I was taking on part of his, too. I wished I could say, ‘That’s not my job,’ but I knew my career would be at risk if I bit back at my boss.
I did notice that my boss had no problem telling me things weren’t his job when I would ask for help. For men, putting their foot down comes more easily. They are used to positions of power and have no problem saying something isn’t their job and someone else should figure it out.
Although women may wish to say this themselves, it can be complicated when work dynamics are involved. They know they’d likely be disliked or punished for using this phrase.
3. ‘I’d like a raise’
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As a woman, I’ve never felt comfortable talking about money. It seems taboo. You’ve likely been advised to talk to your coworkers about pay to make sure you are getting a fair salary. That can be easier said than done. Even when I was struggling to make ends meet on my weekly pay, I was still too overwhelmed to ask what others were making and for a raise.
Men have an easier time asking for money than women. Women are disproportionately affected by money avoidance. They won’t talk about it out of fear and a lack of confidence in the workplace. They may be afraid of being hated or looked down on for asking for more money, unlike their male counterparts, who may do so with ease.
4. ‘I don’t know’
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There is pressure placed on women to have the answers to everything. This is especially relevant in the household. Their male partners might have trouble finding something or want to know what is on their calendar for the day. Sometimes, women want to say, ‘I don’t know.’ They likely don’t have the energy to do the extra work when a man is fully capable of taking care of these things themselves. However, most women will stop what they’re doing to help their partner, even if they are exhausted.
It’s not always easy for women to talk about how they feel. It may be hard to communicate to their families that they are tired and don’t have the answer to the question. They wish they could say this without being hated, all while their husbands constantly use the phrase as an answer to a question.
5. ‘That’s inappropriate’
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How many times have you been approached by a man and had an uncomfortable conversation? Some people have a bad vibe that you may pick up on easily. Suddenly, they’re saying inappropriate things, and you find yourself nodding along. Even though you wish you were anywhere but there at that moment, you’re stuck kindly responding. Whether it’s for your safety or to prevent things from getting too awkward, many women find themselves unable to let someone know a conversation is making them uncomfortable.
Men may have no trouble walking away from someone who is making them angry or uncomfortable. In fact, it is likely done with confidence. No matter how difficult the situation is for a woman, she is likely to hold her tongue to protect herself, but most of the time, she wishes she could tell the man how inappropriate his behavior is.
6. ‘I know my worth’
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Settling for less is not easy. Women may be drawn to men who treat them poorly. They stay with them for countless reasons. Love, convenience, or something deeper. A major reason women stay in a relationship when they should leave is a lack of self-confidence. With pressure from society, it can feel impossible to understand our worth. Sometimes, we feel pressure to be partnered that we will settle for less than we deserve.
It would feel good to tell someone who is treating you poorly that you know your worth and are walking out the door. This is easier said than done for many women. They don’t want to be hated, and wish they could confidently say this the same way a man would.
7. ‘I’m not interested’
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How many times have you been approached by someone who went too far to try to get your attention? A man may make inappropriate comments or follow you around even though you tried to tell them you weren’t interested. Most, if not all, women have experienced this firsthand. Not only is it uncomfortable, but at times, it can be scary. They may fear being hated or threatened if they were forward about how they felt.
It’s scary to be a woman sometimes, especially when a man won’t take a hint that you are not interested in them. It can be easier to follow along with whatever they’re seeking than to tell them you’re not interested. While men can turn down women left and right, it can be a safety risk for women.
8. ‘That’s not my responsibility’
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Women often work what is considered a third shift. This means that they’re employed full-time, working to keep up their household, and taking on the emotional weight of the household. The last two are unpaid, of course. Most women prioritize their household before themselves. Caring for children, keeping the house clean, and managing their husbands' lives can feel overwhelming, but they do it out of love. Sometimes, this workload can take a toll on them, and they desperately wish they could say, ‘That’s not my responsibility.’
Of course, many women wouldn’t trade their families for anything. However, they likely want more help around the house. They may wish they could tell people certain things are not their responsibility. However, this would likely not be met well, as they may be the backbone of their household.
9. ‘I am good at what I do’
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Unshakable confidence comes easily for most men. Growing up, they were often praised for their achievements. From being good at sports to being praised for their looks, it might be easier for men to feel good about themselves. Women aren’t always as lucky. They grow up having to prove themselves and often being criticized for their looks. When they are confident, they may be told they are stuck-up or obsessed with themselves. They feel like they can’t win.
Women may want to say ‘I am good at what I do,’ but are worried they will be shamed for it. Instead of being encouraged to share their confidence, they may be told to stifle it. A woman who is too proud of herself may be told she is full of herself. Men are often praised for their confidence, while women are told to keep from 'bragging,' as it is a bad look.
10. ‘I know more than you do’
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Women are highly intelligent. In fact, they are more likely to pursue and finish a college education than their male counterparts, with surveys showing that 47% of women between the ages of 25 and 35 have college degrees, compared to 37% of men in the same age bracket. The truth is, they might know more than the men in their lives. However, it never feels safe to say these words out loud. Men may naturally talk down to them because they have more confidence. Likely, women would love to put them in their place, but are afraid they’ll become hated.
Men can be guilty of assuming they know more than women. Outdated gender stereotypes may reinforce these thoughts. They may feel comfortable claiming they are smarter, but if a woman were to do the same, she might face backlash.
11. ‘Leave me alone’
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There have been so many times I wanted to say this phrase to someone. Whether it was a creep trying to convince me to go out with him or someone telling me I wasn’t good enough, I have been burned out from behavior like this. Although that person was bothering me, I felt like it was my responsibility to stay calm. Even if I wanted to kindly tell them to leave me alone, I knew it came with a risk. I would choose to keep my feelings to myself.
Many men have an easier time telling people to kick rocks. Likely, they don’t care much about being hated. It’s the opposite experience for women.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
