You Can Usually Tell How Narcissistic Someone Is By 10 Phrases They Say During Casual Conversations
Zapylaiev Kostiantyn | ShutterstockRates of narcissism are rising at the hands of greedy convenience and comfort in our society today, which often makes spotting a truly entitled, narcissistic person that much more difficult. In subtle ways, in conversations and behind closed doors, the signs of their superiority complex and deep-rooted insecurities can feel vague.
However, you can usually tell how narcissistic someone is by certain phrases they say during casual conversations. They might not be glaring red flags, but they will catch you off guard and make you second-guess someone's intentions.
You can usually tell how narcissistic someone is by 10 phrases they say during casual conversations
1. 'This keeps happening to me'
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You can often spot an entitled person by their victimhood. They think that every single bad experience or challenge that comes into their lives is a personal attack, because they have an inflated sense of deservingness and worth. Their self-importance predicts a perception of fairness that couldn't be further from reality.
When things don't go their way, or someone's not immediately willing to put their needs first, they label the situation unfair, when, in reality, it's just life. "This keeps happening to me" is their version of "I can't believe this happened," because they refuse to take any kind of accountability for their own life struggles.
2. 'I know them'
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Narcissistic people constantly seek out status, whether that's in the form of wealthy connections, powerful friends, personal achievement, or beauty. While it's usually fueled by a deep need for community and belonging, on the surface it comes across as incredibly superficial, usually because it's in search of attention.
They're always name-dropping and positioning themselves with powerful people to boost their own self-image. They believe, because they're inherently unique, special people, that they need to be around other high-status people to feel seen and understood, even if that couldn't be further from the truth.
3. 'You're just jealous'
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On top of being envious of other people achieving things they want and taking up the spotlight they need, narcissists often hold a belief that everyone is jealous of them. Their internal jealousy harms relationships and often causes mistreatment in situations where anyone else would celebrate, but the envy they throw around onto others serves as a defense mechanism.
If they can prove that someone is envious, it gives them permission to treat them poorly. Considering narcissists are best known for refusing to take accountability when they hurt others, this is the perfect mechanism for protecting their fragile ego.
4. 'Why should I care?'
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A study from Frontiers in Psychiatry found that many people with narcissistic personality disorder experience a lack of empathy that not only promotes misbehavior but also disconnects them from making honest, true relationships. They may be able to see someone else's struggles and vulnerabilities, but they're not going to support. Rather, they weaponize those things to get what they want.
That's what narcissistic people do best. They figure out ways to get close to people, often with charm and charisma, only to use what they've learned to blackmail, manipulate, and force people into being assets in their lives.
5. 'My exes are insane'
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Usually, when a narcissistic person is making fun of or talking someone down, it's because they're threatened by them. For example, if their ex set boundaries and called them out on their behavior, all while remaining confident and secure, that's a red flag to a narcissistic person who needs all the control.
So, if you notice someone is always talking down on their exes and using phrases like "they're all crazy," chances are that's actually a reflection of who they are, rather than their ex's behavior.
6. 'I'm here when nobody else is'
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Narcissists often keep their victims in a cycle of mistreatment. First, they build a misleading connection and charm people with their charisma. Then, at some point, they start doing more than just love bombing and instead take advantage of people's kindness, isolating them from support and making them feel more vulnerable over time.
Even if they do eventually discard this person, when they don't need anything, they leave them completely disconnected from the sense of self and community they had before.
7. 'They made me do it'
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Despite the grandiose superiority and confidence they display out in the world, narcissistic people are almost always covering up for an incredibly fragile sense of self. From curating a chronic victim identity to blaming others for their problems, they can't take accountability because their ego is too fragile to acknowledge mistakes.
They believe that making a mistake is reflective of personal weakness, so instead of growing from them, they weaponize their shame to blame and harm other people into taking accountability for them.
8. 'You're too sensitive'
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Even when they're to blame for hurting your feelings or overstepping a boundary, narcissistic people will always find a way to shift accountability. They make you the perpetrator of your own hurt, even when it was their condescending remark or name-calling behavior that made you upset.
Whether it's gaslighting, like trying to convince someone their pain never happened, or blame-shifting that relies on the power dynamics of a relationship, you can almost always spot a narcissistic person by a phrase like "you're too sensitive" or "you sound so insane right now."
9. 'You can't do that'
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Whether it's a partner at home or someone they just met at work, narcissistic people can't cover up their needs for control forever. Especially because they're often dealing with a heavy sense of shame and insecurity inside, of course they need to feel powerful and in control out in the world to convince people of their misleading strength.
Despite the charming facade they wear, their needs for control and fears of abandonment come up eventually, usually with phrases like "you can't do that" or "I'm telling you not to."
10. 'It's just a joke'
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Similar to blame-shifting and avoiding accountability entirely, narcissistic people often use phrases like "it's just a joke" to gaslight people into tolerating their mean comments. They disguise their cruelty and controlling behaviors as humor to avoid being called out, even if their intentions are just as malicious as people call them out for.
While some hide behind humor, usually self-deprecatory jokes, to cope with their emotional pain, narcissistic people attack others with "jokes" to mediate their inner turmoil and insecurity.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
