Boomer Parents Loved To Use 11 Toxic Phrases Gen Z Would Never Say To Their Kids
fizkes | ShutterstockParenting styles and choices naturally vary across families and age demographics, but alongside the link between childhood experiences and adult struggles, many people have condemned old-school parenting that plagued their own upbringings. For older generations, there was a certain way of doing things, but that mindset certainly wouldn't work today.
In particular, boomer parents loved to use certain toxic phrases Gen Z would never say to their kids in today's world. Because they're so plugged into the digital landscape and therapy terms, they're able to unpack and unravel traditionalist language. And while there's still a great need to teach self-awareness and emotional intelligence in younger generations, it seems like Gen Zers today are going to be just fine.
Boomer parents loved to use 11 toxic phrases Gen Z would never say to their kids
1. 'You're right, I'm such a horrible parent'
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Considering many kids today, especially those plugged into online discussions on things like manipulation and toxic relationships, are more sensitive to old-school phrases intended to blame-shift and provide parents with superiority, this is one of the phrases Gen Z would not tolerate for their own kids.
They're no longer accepting this language among modern parenting shifts. With the emotional manipulation many children face at the hands of their parents, which manifests as guilt-tripping or avoiding accountability, this phrase is no longer an innocent threat. Instead, it's riddled with toxic assumptions and inadvertently harms kids by encouraging them to not express their emotions or voice their needs at home.
2. 'You have it easier than I did as a kid'
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According to a Gallup survey, kids and teenagers today are experiencing worsened mental health as a result of their increased social media usage, largely because they're subjected to comparison culture. They're forced to navigate unrealistic standards and "choice and decision overload."
Sadly, the phrases that boomer parents loved to use were incredibly toxic. Because cespite growing up in an incredibly different time, parents say this to condemn their kids to comparison, trying to spark feelings of guilt or shame for complaining about their struggles.
Sometimes, showing up as a healthy and supportive parent means acknowledging your kids' complex emotions and being there to support them, even if you were forced to deal with situations you perceived to be more challenging growing up.
3. 'If you loved me, you'd do this'
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Many modern parenting styles adopt a less hierarchical approach to caregiving at home, instead leveling the playing field with their kids to make space for their feelings. Phrases like "if you loved me, you'd do this" actually do quite the opposite. They weaponize a parent's perceived superiority or relationship with their kids to guilt them into following their demands or getting what they want.
According to clinical psychologist Daniel S. Lobel, children exposed to this kind of parental gaslighting, no matter how disguised it is, often battle many psychological consequences. They tend to grapple with depressive symptoms or live in a constant state of anxiety, ignoring their own emotional needs to appease their parents' comfort.
4. 'Because I said so'
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According to a study from Acta Psychologica, parents who have experienced their own adverse childhood experiences and trauma tend to repeat the cycle with their own kids. They use language like this to cope with their own emotional turmoil with power dynamics.
"Because I said so" is a toxic phrase boomer parents used often, but that Gen Z would never say to their own kids. For them, it's no longer a powerful phrase for parents to get what they want, especially in the face of modern kids who are encouraged to debate and dive deeper into parenting structures as a result of accessibility online.
5. 'Stop being so dramatic'
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Experts like clinical psychologist Hal Shorey argue that phrases like "you're so dramatic" or "stop being so sensitive" are inherently dismissive. They encourage people to suppress their emotions and keep their needs to themselves. Healthy parents show up to support their kids by listening to them, and working with them to set boundaries and express their needs.
Phrases like this do the opposite. And, unsurprisingly, the resentment that sparks as a result of these communication styles often contributes to tension in parent-child relationships that stretches into adulthood, according to a study from the Journal of Abnormal Psychology.
6. 'I'll give you something to cry about'
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Whether it's "I'll give you something to cry about" or "it hurts me more than it hurts you," these phrases gave traditionalist, boomer parents an excuse to avoid vulnerability with their kids. They condemned their kids for expressing their opinions or needs, especially in the face of their own shortcomings and insecurities.
Rather than taking the time to sit with their kids and make space for their uncomfortable feelings, they used this language as a defense mechanism to avoid taking accountability for their mistakes and having to spend effort acknowledging their emotions.
7. 'Get over it, life goes on'
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While it might seem like an obvious realization for kids plugged into mental health conversations, recognizing that intensely uncomfortable emotions don't simply go away without recognition is largely a recent idea. Unfortunately, when a parent says "get over it, life goes on," or a similar phrase, it encourages kids to ignore their discomfort and suppress their emotions for their parents' comfort and convenience.
When parents try to push their kids' emotional needs away or ignore supporting them in times of distress, they only feed into a toxic cycle of resentment. Their kids suppress their emotions and then feel ashamed and guilty for having inevitable outbursts, adopting a misguided belief that their feelings and needs are a burden.
8. 'Don't come home until the streetlights come on'
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In the face of all information accessible online, many parenting shifts today are centered around overprotectiveness. Parents are trying to endlessly protect their kids from safety concerns and harm, whether it's cutting out sleepovers or only allowing supervised play.
While decades ago, kids were encouraged to spend time outside, today, kids are not only at home but encouraged to stay there. Despite research, like a study from University College London, that supports parents letting their kids engage in unsupervised play, overprotective parents just don't allow it. So, for Gen Zers, they would likely never tell their kids to stay out until dusk, choosing instead to keep them inside where they know they're safe.
9. 'You can be whatever you want to be'
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While traditional life paths and the mentality that "you can be whatever you want to be" might have motivated older generations to create successful lives, many young kids and adults today are struggling to prioritize their childhood aspirations. Amid growing economic uncertainty and specific generational barriers, like the impact of social media and technology, this phrase is not only toxic, but a bit outdated.
Encouraging kids to build goals and learn resilience and ambition is still a priority for parents, but the reality is that making money and building a secure foundation for success isn't quite aligned with the personal passions and goals of Gen Zers today. While, as parents, this generation wants to be encouraging, they're a bit more realistic.
10. 'You brought this on yourself'
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According to psychologist Lynn Margolies, parents who rely on guilt-tripping to get what they want are emotionally blackmailing their children. By suggesting they're at fault for sparking conflict or discomfort, using toxic phrases like "you brought this on yourself," it just encourages them to live in anxiety of perceived failure. Even if all they did was express their opinions or made a mistake, this language is subtly manipulative.
By being more intentional about words and thoughtful about encouraging kids towards emotional intelligence, parents can ensure they're set up for success in adulthood, equipped with the self-awareness and skills like setting boundaries that help them build healthier relationships.
11. 'Wait until your father gets home'
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As a study published in Children and Youth Services Review explained, weaponizing threats of physical altercations with phrases like this has the power to exacerbate aggressive behaviors in young children, often in ways that sabotage their self-regulation and relationship-building skills later in life. And while older generations, like baby boomers, loved using toxic phrases like this to get their way, those words would never come out of the mouths of Gen Z parents.
Especially in the context of today's parenting world, where disciplinary behaviors like spanking are actively declining, it's not surprising that this type of language is less prevalent or even nonexistent in many households. It goes to show that not only is our culture and society changing, but the way people parent is, too.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
