11 Reasons An Adult Raised By A Narcissistic Parent Won’t Usually Decorate Their Home
Anatoliy Karlyuk / ShutterstockGrowing up with a narcissistic mother or father is never easy. From their demeaning words to their toxic behavior, a narcissistic parent has a way of hurting a child deeply. And while this child turned adult may not realize it now, there are 11 reasons an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home.
For the average person, it's normal to get into home decoration. From painting the walls bright colors to making a Pinterest board, decorating is one of those milestones that most adults look forward to. However, if someone was raised by a narcissistic parent, decorating is never easy. For these 11 reasons, adults raised by these types of parents can't get behind it.
Here are 11 reasons an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home
1. They get used to not having preferences
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The first reason an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home is that they get used to not having preferences. Most kids grow up disliking vegetables or having a deep-rooted hatred for a particular show. However, as they get older, these preferences begin to change as they grow more into their own individual personality.
However, those raised by narcissistic parents struggle to develop a preference. So used to obeying their parents' command, they never got to truly think for themselves. This is probably why they dislike decorating their home in the first place.
As author Julie L. Hall pointed out, "Unless their children's interests and strengths reflect their own values or give them bragging rights, narcissistic parents ignore or actively malign their kids' passions." So adults spend the rest of their lives finally figuring out what they want and don't want out of life.
2. They still feel financially restrained
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Most of their childhood was spent in financial hardship. From their parents berating them for getting a job to their parents taking every single one of their paychecks, these children knew nothing about financial freedom. This explains why an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home, as they still feel financially restrained. While they may have escaped their house, they can't get over the trauma.
Their brain doesn't know how to be at ease and are constantly stressed about finances. Even if the adult is financially stable, they always feel like their financial stability will be ripped out from under them, which is why they never waste money on decorating their home.
3. It feels safer not to get attached
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Narcissistic parents were never a safe space for their children. No matter how much reassurance a narcissistic parent gave, their actions always spoke louder than their words. From embarrassing their children in public to taking off the door from its hinges, these parents were always hot and cold. This is probably why an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home. This is because it feels safer not to get attached.
According to child, adolescent, and family psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., "If you have toxic parents, you may struggle with, or have struggled with, anxiety, depression, and anger in response to feeling manipulated, deceived, pressured, or even humiliated."
This is why you can't grow attached to people or things. Terrified of being hurt again or losing the people or things you love, you'd rather live in an empty place than ever experience getting attached again.
4. They can no longer trust their own judgement
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Those who were raised by toxic parents don't always know how to trust themselves. Needing to abide by their rules 24/7, the reason an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home is that they can no longer trust their own judgment. They never had control over their life before. From what they ate to what they wore, every single decision was monitored by their parents.
This is probably why they can't trust themselves in the first place. Never taking charge of anything in their entire life, how can they trust that the sofa color they pick or the bedroom set they go with isn't a complete disaster?
5. They’re focused on getting through the day
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Life with a narcissistic parent was always a struggle. Not only were they controlled, but they had to constantly walk around eggshells around their parent. From always doing something wrong in their parents' eyes to their parents exploding for no reason, a reason an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home is that they're focused on getting through the day.
Narcissistic parents made life pretty unbearable. The authors of a study published in The Journal of Psychology found that "Results indicated that parental grandiose narcissism was associated with both anxiety and depression in adulthood."
This is why getting through a day feels so chaotic. Filled with depression and whirling thoughts, these adults don't have the energy to get up in the morning, let alone decorate an entire house.
6. They’re scared to lose everything again
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Life after a narcissistic parent is an emotional rollercoaster. On one hand, you're relieved that you no longer have to be around their constant negativity. Yet, on the other hand, you can't help but feel uneasy. It's unexplainable for many, but the reason an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home is usually that they're scared to lose everything again. Just because you get out of a toxic environment doesn't mean you're out of survival mode.
For those who've been through the wringer since they were babies, it's not easy to feel safe even after everything's said and done. This is probably why individuals raised by these types of parents don't go shopping. As much as they'd like to, deep down inside, they're terrified they'll somehow lose everything they worked so hard for.
7. They don’t feel safe inviting guests over
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It takes a lot of healing to get close to people. After spending time being berated by a narcissistic parent, learning to let go of that pain and form 'normal healthy relationships' is far from easy. This is probably why an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home, because they don't feel safe inviting guests over. Once upon a time, inviting guests over might not have felt so scary to them.
Trusting their best friend or partner completely, it might've even felt exciting. But for one reason or another, when you went to do it, the reality of your trauma set in. Would inviting this person into your home somehow destroy it? Most importantly, how much could you truly trust them? This line of thinking isn't new. As licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Karyl McBride, Ph.D., said, "Growing up in a narcissistic family, a child learns early on that they cannot lean on, depend on, or have expectations of consistency from their narcissistic parent. This causes impaired trust."
So, while they'd love to invite guests over, those raised by a narcissistic parent will never feel safe enough to, without a little bit of help.
8. They don’t know who they are anymore
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Maybe their sense of self developed at some point as a kid. It might not have been strong. However, it was there. But as time continued, their narcissistic parents' behavior became worse, and they lost their inner voice. Due to this, one reason an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home is that they don't know who they are anymore. Developing a sense of self as an adult is far from easy.
However, having narcissistic parents on top of that makes it extremely hard. While they might have escaped, there's a deep-rooted fear that who they are naturally isn't good enough. This is why they struggle to know who they are anymore. They never got to explore that part of themselves in the first place.
9. They associate a home with performance, not comfort
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Living with their parents was like living in a constant play. Being forced to play a role, one reason an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home is that they associate a home with performance, not comfort. Deep within themselves, they know that they're safe. However, their mind keeps convincing themselves that this stage in their life isn't permanent, causing them not to decorate.
Feeling scrutinized by the mere ghost of their parents has them hesitant. Scared of messing up, they'd rather keep their home plain than decorate. However, as hard as it may be, it's crucial to get help to let go of that fear. As author and philosopher Susanna Newsonen said, "Judgment drains energy; curiosity creates space for growth and self-compassion."
10. They still feel like they’re passing through life
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Their happy ending has already happened. Whether they're off to college or have moved into their new apartment, the hard part of life is already behind them. In a healthier environment, they may think their fear is finally over. However, a reason an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home is that they feel like they're passing through life.
It doesn't feel real. Despite how much they've accomplished, they can't get it through their head that this chapter in life is here to stay for a while. This is why they refuse to decorate. It sounds crazy, but in their mind, they feel like they're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
11. They don’t know how to feel safe
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Finally, the last reason an adult raised by a narcissistic parent won't usually decorate their home is that they don't know how to feel safe. They've gotten out of their environment. However, the trauma hasn't left them. It doesn't matter how many years have passed. People raised by narcissistic parents will always experience a sense of unease. However, this is unfortunately another example of human behavior.
According to the NSVRC, "Trauma occurs because of the way the human brain is wired. We are programmed to remember things that will be useful for our survival and help us remain safe in the future. When something very bad, painful, or scary happens, our brain wants to keep us safe and make sure it doesn’t happen again." This is why they never feel safe. In essence, their brain is still trying to protect them after all these years, which is why they never feel like they can decorate. Still on edge, they don't know how to reassure themselves that the past is in the past.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
