Doing 9 Specific Things On A Regular Basis Slowly Destroys Attraction In Long-Term Relationships
LightField Studios / ShutterstockIt's easy to lose the spark in a relationship after a long period of time. After the honeymoon phase is over, it's common for small habits to creep into the relationship and slowly start to destroy it.
Most people aren't even aware of it when it starts. Many couples in long-term relationships say they have become sad and do not remember the love they once had for each other. Psychologists who have studied long-term relationships say these are the top behaviors that slowly kill a relationship.
Doing these specific things on a regular basis is likely to slowly destroy attraction in long-term relationships
1. Allowing communication to wane
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Communication is key to making a relationship work. In order for a relationship to last successfully, both partners must feel safe enough to tell each other how they feel.
Some common issues include not saying how one feels, then waiting and exploding at the other person. Another issue is responding to advice with anger, only focusing on the negatives, or simply not listening to the other person.
A good relationship is built on trust, which involves talking to each other. When this goes away, the trust erodes, and that can kill a relationship.
2. No longer making an effort
What makes a relationship so fun in the beginning is the effort put into it. Date nights, fun nights in, vacations together, etc., all lead to a great relationship. After a couple has been together a while, reality starts to creep in, and suddenly, these date nights become trips to the grocery store.
Therefore, it is important to make a conscious effort to plan fun activities and to allow time for emotional connection. These moments will make the relationship stronger and remind each partner why they still love each other.
3. Not listening to each other
As I mentioned earlier, communication is key. However, this means the person on the other end has to listen. And not just casually listening, but active listening.
If one partner asks the other partner to put the dishes away, they should do it. Or, when a partner gives a bid for attention (e.g., pointing out a specific bird), the other partner should listen and respond. Paying attention and showing that you are both listening is what allows partners to trust each other.
4. Being overly critical
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When one partner brings up issues they want resolved, it's important that the other person is open to what their partner is saying.
Criticizing the other person just leads to nothing being resolved and to placing blame. Furthermore, it leads to rehashing the situation over and over again without a real resolution.
5. Making assumptions
Making assumptions about your partner can be very dangerous. Assuming that you know what your partner likes or dislikes without asking can be harmful. People change, and therefore, what your partner liked when you first started dating may not be what they still like. This is why it is important to ask your partner what they like before doing.
It is also important not to make assumptions when your partner comes to you with an issue. Immediately assuming that they are attacking you or your character without any real evidence can destroy a relationship.
6. Disrespecting your partner in public
A lack of respect can destroy a relationship almost immediately, including speaking positively about your partner in front of others, even if they're not there.
It is also important not to be critical or disrespect important people in your partner's life. This can make things messy, and your partner may not want to talk to you about that person anymore. Also, your partner might already be aware of that person's faults, and attacking them for it will only make it worse.
7. Lack of affection
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Similar to not making an effort, a lack of intimacy or affection will cause a relationship to fade. Most relationships are built on this as well as an emotional connection, and it is important to keep this spark alive.
Not making your partner feel wanted will lead to negative inner thoughts, depreciation, a lack of closeness, and ultimately the relationship dying.
8. Resistance to change
People change over time, and the person you fell in love with will not be the same exact person in a decade from now. Therefore, it is important to hold space in the relationship for your partner (and yourself) to change.
Furthermore, couples who don't welcome change together will slowly fade out. In the beginning of a relationship, the two of you will have the same goals and dreams. However, these goals may change, and it is important to adapt over time with your partner, depending on where you are in life. Being closed to change will kill a relationship.
9. Spending too much time elsewhere
After a long day at work, it is only human nature to want to relax. However, spending too much time on your phone, playing video games, or any other isolating activity will kill the relationship.
It's important to make an effort to spend time with your partner. If not, then your partner will feel alone (and so will you), and you will eventually drift apart.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
