If You Were Surrounded By Fake Friends Growing Up, You Likely Experienced 11 Tough Things
Dmytro Zinkevych | ShutterstockGrowing up, the friendships and bonds we form contribute to the kind of person we become. In childhood and adolescence, friendships provide emotional security, affection, validation of interests, social skills, and feelings of self-worth. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same positive experience and may end up surrounding themselves with "friends" who do nothing but bring them down.
If you were surrounded by fake friends growing up, you likely experienced tough things that made you feel isolated and maybe even led to social isolation and loneliness. You learned a bit too late that you shouldn't trust certain people and that you're deserving of real, loyal friends.
If you were surrounded by fake friends growing up, you likely experienced 11 tough things
1. A constant betrayal of trust
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It can be hard to open up to others, especially when you're growing up and learning everything you can to become a well-rounded adult. To be vulnerable is to shed those built-up walls, which can feel terrifying. So, imagine your surprise when a supposed best friend destroys your trust. It's devastating.
As you grow into an adult, this can affect your relationships negatively. Attachment issues and distrust may lead to psychological mistreatment. Unfortunately, this can cause people to violate their loved ones' trust by checking their phone or placing unfair blame onto them. And that's toxic for everyone.
2. Belittling your achievements
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Growing up, you took your accomplishments in stride. Maybe you made the honor roll or began a job to make some money on the side. While you were ecstatic about these positive changes, if you were surrounded by fake friends, you likely were met with condescension from them.
Your friends might have appeared excited for you on the outside, giving you reassuring smiles and congratulations. But at the same time, they belittled you, likely because they were jealous. As an adult, you feel the need to downplay your successes. But if you can't find joy in the small moments, you won't appreciate the bigger ones or enjoy the health benefits of expressing that joy.
3. Blatant disrespect
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Feeling disrespected isn't a good feeling, especially for someone growing up and trying to figure out who they are. But being surrounded by fake friends means being around people who don't care about your comfort. They're so stuck on making themselves feel better, they don't pause to think about how their actions affect those around them, including you.
Because of this, you likely heard remarks that were uncalled for, damaging your self-esteem. And having someone in your life constantly disrespecting you leads to poor boundaries and feeling overwhelmed.
You may also lean on external validation, which can lead to impulsive behaviors in order to avoid problems. And this, as you can imagine, impacts your ability to form meaningful connections as an adult.
4. Peer pressure
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Most people have a desire to fit in, but the lengths they're willing to go to can become concerning. If you grew up surrounded by fake friends, you likely experienced tough things like peer pressure to engage in activities outside of your comfort zone. On the surface, this may not seem like a big deal, but it's not something to take lightly.
Peer pressure can turn us into people-pleasers who have a hard time asserting themselves. You might engage in things that go against your truest desires. And when you live your life pleasing others, it's bound to end badly.
According to clinical psychologist Debbie Sorensen, people-pleasers are prone to burnout. They're thoughtful, which is why it's hard for them to set boundaries. And they might find themselves taking on extra work or getting emotionally invested.
5. Teasing disguised as 'joking'
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It can feel like a punch to the gut when friends tease you for every little thing. It's even worse when that teasing isn't the playful kind and is instead disguised as a "joke." But jokes are meant to be funny, and toxic behavior like this is just cruel. After a while, you probably question if they're right.
Growing up, you may not have realized that your friends didn't put you down for any little reason; rather, it's likely because they got a kick out of seeing you suffer. And having people around you like this can cause irreversible damage.
Unfortunately, being teased results in body dissatisfaction, anxiety and depression in adulthood. If you find that you suffer from these feelings, it's highly likely you were unfortunate enough to grow up around people who didn't see you as worthy of their friendship.
6. Negative comments
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Surrounding yourself with negative influences can only harm you, especially when you're young and impressionable. When you constantly hear disparaging remarks or snide comments, it changes your brain, making you more prone to negative thinking.
And even a little bit of negative thinking causes damage. In fact, negative thinking correlates with lower well-being, so people who have fake friends often find themselves feeling down, even years later. Those negative thoughts are dragging them down.
7. Gaslighting
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Gaslighting isn't always taken seriously because of its subtlety. It's often mistaken for joking or blamed on bad memory, but it's actually a very serious form of manipulation. And it can have devastating consequences, especially when it comes from people you believe are your true friends who have your best interests in mind.
Victims of gaslighting are often lied to, leaving them to question what they know to be true. Survivors of gaslighting experience a diminished sense of self, increased guardedness, and a distrust of others. This can impact your mental health, making it harder for you to form connections as an adult, as the scars from your youth are hard to overcome.
8. Being purposely left out
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It's human nature to want to belong somewhere. Human connection is just as important to our physical and mental health as healthy eating, so being constantly excluded from a friend group is so harmful. It quite literally goes against your natural instincts and nature.
Social connectedness is incredibly important, and there's an overall agreement that socializing promotes mental health and decreases mortality rates. Unfortunately, when we're constantly struck with loneliness and feel left out among the people who are supposed to care about us, it can lead to worsening health like depression or anxiety.
As an adult, you might fear loneliness, a similar feeling to when you were excluded and isolated. You probably did everything in your power to fit in, even if it meant going against your better judgment.
9. Never feeling accepted
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If you were surrounded by fake friends growing up, you likely experienced a lack of acceptance from them. They focused on superficial things like your outfits or appearance, and never on who you are at your core. You were likely too afraid to explore your truest desires and wishes, all thanks to their lack of real friendship.
As an adult, you're stuck in an impossible space between not knowing who you are and being too afraid to discover yourself. But you're not alone. Around 70% of people have faked their happiness and suffered from imposter syndrome at one point. Getting the help you need can give you the strength to live authentically, regardless of what others think.
10. Kindness being taken advantage of
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When you were growing up, you did everything you could to fit in, including being incredibly available and kind. And what did your fake friends do? They took complete advantage of it. They knew you were dependable and they leaned into that, but only when it benefited them.
While you were there to listen and give your energy to helping, they never returned the favor. Your generosity likely became something they expected rather than appreciated, and before you knew it, you felt completely emotionally drained.
11. Unnecessary competition
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Though adolescence is known to be competitive, you would have thought that your true friends would support you, not want to be a rival. Unfortunately, if you were surrounded by fake friends when you were growing up, they always felt the need to one-up you and compare themselves to you. It made you feel like you couldn't be proud of anything you accomplished.
As a young adult and even into current adulthood, that dynamic made you second-guess whether you wanted to share your achievements. Even if you grew up and found actual friends who care about you, you may not bring anything up to avoid tension or pushback. Because what should have been encouragement in your youth turned into pressure, and you felt like you had to constantly measure up just to maintain your place in a social group.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
