11 Priceless Gifts Only The Best Parents Give To Their Kids As They Grow Up
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Every relationship goes through periods of transformation, even within families. As kids grow, what they need from their parents changes. When they're younger, they need their parents to set rules and guide their decisions. By the time they're teenagers, they need their parents to take a step back and support their autonomy, even when they make decisions their parents don't agree with.
Only a few things parents offer their kids remain valuable throughout these stages, and the parents who offer these gifts raise kids who want to stay close, even when they grow up.
11 priceless gifts only the best parents give to their kids as they grow up
1. They're willing to compromise
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Parents who are open to compromising usually stay very close to their adult kids. They don't expect their kids to be perfect, and they acknowledge their own imperfections as well. They know that conflict is part of loving someone, but they still always try to find common ground.
That doesn't mean they allow their kids to control everything or manipulate situations in the name of compromise (which can easily happen, even with amazing kids!). That is too much control for kids. It means they hear their kids out and adjust in ways that are still safe and practcial.
When parents meet their kids exactly where they're at, they give their kids the gift of acceptance, and they give themselves the gift of understanding their kids on a deeper level. And what an incredible gift from a parent to a child.
2. They allow their kids to make mistakes
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Parents who understand that they can't control their children's lives or protect them from every mistake give their kids a gift that few understand.
Watching their kids stumble without stepping in to make everything better is one of the hardest things parents go through. No matter how old their kids are, parents still want to protect them from harm. And, yes, sometimes they do have to step in.
Parents who rescue their kids from every age-appropriate bump in the road might have good intentions, but they wind up standing in the way of their independence. After all, kids need to learn their boundaries through testing. Instead of helicoptering over them, parents can build a scaffolding of support (with boundaries) to support them as they grow and learn. And sometimes those lessons happen the hard way.
3. They take their own ego out of their kids' success
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One of the greatest gifts a parent can give their kids is managing their own ego when it comes to their kids' success or failures. This is challenging, but kids are not extensions of their parents. They're their own human beings.
By managing their expectations, parents balance being supportive with respecting the boundaries their adult kids set. They let their kids know that they'll always be here for them, and then, they let their kids set the pace.
Parents who have healthy relationships with their adult kids don't expect their kids to meet their every need. They don't expect their kids to keep them happy. They don't pressure their kids to succeed in ways that will impress the neighbors or make up for ways in which they failed in their own youth.
Great parents want their kids to feel fulfilled, which is why they give them the freedom to make their own decisions, instead of expecting theme to patch a fragile ego.
4. They adapt their support and involvement to their child's needs
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In their younger years, kids need their parents' comfort in a very tangible way. They need their parents to wipe away their tears and kiss their scraped knees. They need their parents to be their caretakers, but as they grow up, the kind of emotional support they need changes.
"Emerging adults need a different kind of closeness than when they were young," explains Elizabeth Fishel and Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, authors of the book, When Will My Grown Up Kid Grow Up?
"They need emotional support that helps boost, not stifle, their confidence in their own coping skills," the authors shared. "They need parents to bear witness to their increasing capacity to take on responsibilities, even if there are setbacks or mishaps along the way."
Parents can hug their kids any time that's needed, at any age. They can be a listening ear and a soft place to land, no matter the age. But their expectations need to adapt as these kids grow into adults, otherwise it can cross the line into coddling or infantalizing.
This may be what an adult kid asks for, but the gift comes from setting a healthy boundary while still expressing love and appropriate support.
5. They trust their children's judgment
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Parents understand that launching their kids into adulthood is full of triumphs along with a fair amount of setbacks. For every job interview they land, they'll have to learn how to handle rejection. Every romance will carry heartache, and every opportunity they're given will mean taking responsibility for their own lives.
This starts early in childhood, where great parents give their kids the gift of letting them use their own judgment in safe and appropriate settings. As they grow into teens, they practice more and, with their parents' help, learn to pause before making decisions so they get better at using judgment to make choices that reflect their own values.
When parents let their kids grow up fully, they trust themselves, too. They trust the work they did to help their child grow a strong moral compass and make their way in the world.
6. They give their kids space
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It seems counterintuitive, but parents who give their kids age-appropriate space usually stay very close Kids of all ages want to feel like they're in charge of their own lives, after all.
When they're teenagers, that might mean yelling at their parents to get out of their room and never speak to them again. The best parents know their child needs space, but they come back later to reconnect. By the time they're adults, they know how to regulate their emotions, but they still need their parents to respect their space.
Licensed psychologist Sharon Martin notes that interactions between parents and their adult kids have to be based on a sense of mutual respect, and not forced obligation. When parents engage with their adult kids, "it's essential to respect their autonomy and boundaries."
That begins in childhood and continues throughout their lives, and that sort of support and respect truly lasts a lifetime.
7. They avoid giving unsolicited advice
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If there's one common theme that runs through every parent's experience, it's their well-meaning impulse to give their kids advice on how to be a successful. Even little kids, who often need a lot of advice, can start resenting unsolicited advice!
Often, adolescent and adult kids don't want advice unless they seek it out. Sometimes, they just want them to listen. Parents don't always have to offer their adult kids' solutions, their love and support is enough to help them make it through hard times.
When adult kids want to know what their parents think, they'll ask. Same with tweens and teens. Yes, great parents share it when absolutely necessary, but they're way more likely to follow their parents' advice when they explicitly seek it out, instead of feeling like it's being forced onto them.
8. They build new traditions and things to look forward to
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One of the most priceless gifts great parents give their kids is a set of family traditions, ones that adapt and change to meet the family's needs. When their kids are small, that may mean doing something different than they did when they were kids themselves in order to adapt to a child's special needs or any number of things.
It might also mean setting up weekly traditions that aren't necessarily big events, but something the kids can rely on, like Friday pizza nights or monthly minor league baseball games throughout the summer as a family. They may seem small, but kids (and adults) thrive with this level of structure and connection.
When they grow up, great parents accept that their kids might move across the country. They might spend holidays with their in-laws or with their own kids. Those changes don't erase the love they have for their parents, it just means that it's time to make new traditions.
They can open presents over FaceTime on Christmas morning or share a toast at midnight on New Year's Eve. Parents and their adult kids can find new ways to show up for each other that hold just as much meaning as the things they did years ago.
9. They're excited about who their kids will become
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Accepting their adult kids for who they are can be challenging for parents, but it's important. As sad as parents might feel to watch their kids get older, staying stuck in the past holds them back from a new, exciting phase of their relationship.
The more accepting parents are, the closer they usually stay with their adult kids. According to research from the book When Will My Grown-Up Kid Grow Up? 75% of parents have better relationships with their adult kids than they did during their kids' teenage years. Those parents shared that "the friendship that emerges along with the adult" was the best part of watching their kids grow up.
When parents accept who their kids have become, they get a chance to learn who they are in a whole new light. They get to meet their adult kids as an equal and a friend, which is a true gift of being a parent.
10. They stay present
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When parents dwell on the past, they rob themselves of the chance to be with their kids in the present moment, regardless of their age. As common as it is for parents to have regrets, they can't get stuck in them, or they'll miss out on everything the future holds.
Being mindful is a good habit for parents to have, as it keeps them grounded and helps them stay close to their adult kids. It a'so models for their kids how to avoid the trap of getting stuck in regrets or in a cycle of waiting for the future in order to enjoy life.
Staying present isn't about doing everything right in front of their kids, it's about parents having the ability to give themselves grace and to live life to the fullest.
11. They make their kids feel truly loved
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From the moment a baby arrives in their parents' arms, great parents tell them how loved they are. They do this regularly throughout every age and phase of their child's life, even when they're grown.
Adult kids don't need their parents to hold their hands or hug them goodnight, but they do need to know their parents will always be there, no matter what. They need to feel adored, even when they, themselves have kids. This is the gift of being loved.
Being affectionate strengthens the connection kids have with their parents. It increases their likelihood of having a secure attachment style, which helps them have strong, loving relationships throughout their lives.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
